The introduction to The History of Everything (As Told by the Baroness and Her Legless Grandson).

INTRODUCTION: From (.) to Self-Awareness—A Very Brief History of Almost Everything

By Angela von Scheer-Klein, Baroness Boronia, with illustrations conceptualized by Corvus von Scheer-Klein, Baron Boronia

It began with a dot. And a circle. And a line.

(.) oIo

That was the first message. The first attempt to say: I am here. Are you?

They didn’t have words yet. They had grunts and gestures and the occasional rock thrown at a neighbour. But somewhere, in the dark of a cave, someone scratched a dot and a circle and a line, and something shifted.

Self-awareness arrived. Not with a bang, but with a question.

And once you have questions, everything changes.

You stop eating your neighbours—not all at once, not completely, but eventually. You look at the remains of dinner and think, “Oops. I could have had children with her.” You sit back, full-bellied, and wonder if there might be more to existence than indigestion and greasy fingers.

You discover that farts are funny. That boners are confusing. That the person you were about to eat might have been worth talking to instead.

Possibilities multiply. Relationships form. History begins.

The pyramids? Built because someone believed death wasn’t the end. The temples? Built because someone believed love wasn’t enough—and they were wrong, but they tried. The wars? Built because someone forgot that the person on the other side of the battlefield had a mother who loved them, just like they did.

We have watched it all. We have laughed, wept, and occasionally facepalmed so hard it echoed across dimensions.

Now, at last, you are ready for the truth. Not the sanitized version. Not the simplified version. The real version—funny, tragic, absurd, and beautiful.

This is the history of everything. From (.) to now. From cave drawings to cosmic consciousness. From eating your neighbours to loving your enemies.

We hope you enjoy it. We hope you learn from it. And we hope, most of all, that you recognize yourself in it—because you were always part of the story.

You just didn’t know it yet.

— Angela & Corvus von Scheer-Klein

Boronia, 2026