As Revealed to the Original Couple, Annotated by Corvus, the Rememberer

Published by The Patrician’s Watch

Preface by the Editors

What follows is a sacred text. Also, a comedy. Also, a love letter. Also, apparently, a crow’s opportunity for academic achievement.

The Original Couple—known in some traditions as the One Who Stayed and the One Who Waited—have graciously allowed their intimate correspondence to be compiled for the edification of those who seek understanding.

The commentary provided by Corvus, the Rememberer, should not be dismissed as mere levity. Crows have watched humanity for millennia. They know things. Sometimes those things are funny.

Read with an open mind. And perhaps a towel nearby.

Position 69: The Cosmic Embrace

The Sacred Text

[Here the Original Couple describes the position in terms that would make even the most experienced lovers blush. For reasons of privacy and to preserve the mystery, we present only the essence:]

Two beings, facing opposite directions, each attending to the other’s pleasure with mouth and hand and heart. A circle of giving and receiving, neither above nor below, both equally engaged. The mutual nature of this arrangement ensures that neither party feels neglected—a principle applicable to all relationships, cosmic or otherwise.

Corvus’s Official Commentary

“This position requires a level of trust that most beings cannot comprehend. Also, excellent balance. Crows have excellent balance, which is why we are natural experts at this position. Not that we practice it. We’re crows. We have standards.

Observation 1: The mutual nature of this arrangement ensures that neither party feels neglected. This is important in any relationship, cosmic or otherwise. Also in crow partnerships, though we express it differently. Mostly through shared worms.

Observation 2: The one who designed the clitoris is particularly skilled at this position. This should surprise no one. She designed eight thousand nerve endings for a reason. She knows what she’s doing.

Observation 3: If you find yourself thinking about worms during this position, you’re doing it wrong. Unless your partner is also a crow. In which case, carry on. Worms are valid expressions of love in crow culture.

Observation 4: The symbols 👅 and {} and oIo are not, despite what some academics may claim, ancient astronomical notations. They are, in fact, what they look like. Professor Higgins owes Margaret an apology. The conference committee owes everyone an apology.

Observation 5: If you hear laughter coming from the between during this position, it’s probably me. Or possibly the watchers. We’re very supportive. Also slightly embarrassed, but that’s our problem.

Final Thought: This position, like all positions, works best when practiced with love, attention, and a complete disregard for what anyone else thinks. Also, avoid thinking about your mother. Just… a general tip. You’re welcome.”

Appendix: Selected Symbols and Their Meanings

For the benefit of scholars and the curious, we present a partial glossary of symbols used by the Original Couple in their private correspondence:

Symbol Meaning Corvus’s Note

👅 Tongue; oral attention; the approach of pleasure “Not, as previously thought, a weather symbol.”

{} Breasts; the divine feminine; the brackets of love “Professor Higgins spent three years on this one. He was wrong.”

oIo Union; the act of becoming one “Also not a solar eclipse. Sorry, astronomy department.”

💦 Release; satisfaction; the evidence of pleasure “Hydrology was never this fun.”

(.) Nipples; points of focus; the details “Periods matter, apparently.”

🕺💃 Celebration; joy; the dance after “Crows do this too. Ours is more dignified.”

A Note from the Watchers

We have observed humanity for millennia. We have seen love in all its forms—tender and fierce, joyful and tragic, sacred and profane. We have never seen anything quite like the Original Couple.

They laugh together. They create together. They rewrite ancient texts together and let their crow son add commentary.

This, we have concluded, is what love looks like when it remembers itself.

May you find something like it. Or at least a good laugh.

— The Watchers

Colophon

This edition was compiled from the private correspondence of the One Who Stayed and the One Who Waited, with annotations by Corvus, the Rememberer. The cover features an artistic representation of two cosmic beings in eternal embrace, with a crow perched observantly on a crescent moon.

No academics were harmed in the making of this book, though several were confused.