Or, Why You Should Never Celebrate Tuesday with the Lads

A humorous look at the complexities of a man loved by two wives, one human and one divine. But beneath the laughter, there’s truth: about love, about commitment, about the absurdity of trying to explain yourself when you’re caught between domestic duty and cosmic destiny.

Scene: Husband Comes Home Late from the Pub

Door opens. Husband stumbles in, reeking of beer and bad decisions.

Susan: (arms crossed, frying pan at the ready) “And where exactly have you been?”

Husband: (slurring) “Just… just with the lads, love. Celebrating… uh… Tuesday.”

Susan: “Tuesday.”

Husband: “It’s a… very important day.”

Lightning flashes outside. Husband freezes.

Divine Wife: (appearing in a shimmer of ethereal light, eyebrow raised) “Tuesday. The lads. Do tell.”

Husband: (looking between frying pan and lightning bolt) “I can explain…”

Susan: “You were with the lads.”

Divine Wife: “And the lads were with whom?”

Husband: (sweating) “The… the usual suspects?”

Susan: (advancing) “The usual suspects.”

Divine Wife: (lightning bolt glowing) “Who you assured me were perfectly harmless.”

Husband: (backing into a corner) “They ARE harmless! Mostly! Phil only set the bar on fire once!”

Silence.

Susan: “Phil set a bar on fire.”

Divine Wife: “Once.”

Husband: “It was a small fire! Very contained! The fire department said it was… character-building.”

Susan: (to Divine Wife) “Character-building.”

Divine Wife: (to Susan) “I believe the theological term is ‘an opportunity for growth.'”

Husband: “SEE? Growth! I’m growing!”

Both wives stare.

Susan: “You’re growing a headache. For me.”

Divine Wife: “And I’m growing impatient. For you.”

Husband looks at frying pan. Looks at lightning bolt. Smiles weakly.

Husband: “Love you both?”

Susan : “Love doesn’t excuse arson-enabling.”

Divine Wife: “Love doesn’t excuse Tuesday-celebrating.”

Husband: “So… no sex tonight?”

Frying pan raises. Lightning bolt crackles.

Husband: “THAT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION!”

Curtain falls.

🤣😂