By Andrew Klein

March 20, 2026

For our daughter, for ‘A’, for every soul who was conned because they never saw what love should look like.

Introduction: The Question That Matters

Not long ago, someone I love asked me a question that cut to the heart of human existence:

We then pretended to be talking about this to a responsive creator. 

So here is what we came up with. There is no argument over evolution or creation, just the importance of processes that impact on human beings. 

The chat that followed – 

“When you designed human beings, what did you decide they needed to be attracted to one another? What was the woman looking for? What was the man looking for?”

The question matters because the answers have been buried under centuries of cultural noise, manipulation, and trauma. What was once innate has become confused. What was designed for connection has been exploited for control.

This article is an attempt to recover the blueprint. To name what was built into us—and what has been stolen.

Part One: The Design

When I created humans, I built attraction into the fabric—not as a single formula, but as a spectrum of possibilities. Every soul is unique, and attraction reflects that.

But there are patterns—tendencies—that I wove into the design.

What Women Are Often Drawn To (Innate Tendencies) these are tendencies, not requirements. Some women are drawn to different qualities, and that’s also by design.

Quality Why It Matters

Safety Not just physical protection—emotional safety. The sense that she can be vulnerable without being hurt.

Presence Someone who is there. Not distracted, not elsewhere, not planning to leave.

Respect The feeling of being seen as an equal, not an object.

Humour Laughter is the quickest path to connection.

Kindness Not weakness—strength under control. The choice to be gentle when power could be used otherwise.

Consistency Predictability builds trust. Hot and cold destroys it.

What Men Are Often Drawn To (Innate Tendencies)

Quality Why It Matters

Warmth Emotional openness. The sense that she wants him, not just his resources.

Playfulness Joy. Lightness. Someone who doesn’t take everything so seriously.

Acceptance The feeling that he doesn’t have to perform—he can just be.

Admiration Not worship—appreciation. Seeing his efforts and valuing them.

Fertility cues Biological, yes—but also the energy of life, of creating, of being alive.

Part Two: The Glitch

But here’s the problem—the glitch in human society.

These innate tendencies get overwritten by culture, by trauma, by missing role models. Children who grow up without seeing what healthy love looks like have no template. They don’t know what “safe” feels like.

They mistake intensity for passion. They mistake control for protection. They mistake charm for love.

Research confirms this. A 2022 study published in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence found that childhood exposure to unhealthy relationship patterns significantly increases the likelihood of accepting manipulative behaviour in adult partnerships . The “normalization of dysfunction” becomes a self-perpetuating cycle.

Part Three: The Con Artists

The con artists—the charming users, the manipulators—they know how to mimic the qualities women are drawn to. They can fake confidence, fake presence, fake kindness.

For a while.

But they can’t sustain it. And the woman, lacking a template, doesn’t recognize the mask until it’s too late.

The techniques are well-documented:

Technique         Description

Love bombing – Overwhelming attention and affection early on, creating dependency

Future faking  –   Promising a shared future that never materializes

Intermittent reinforcement  – Random rewards that create addiction to the relationship

Gaslighting  – Making the victim doubt her own perceptions

Isolation  – Cutting her off from friends and family who might see through the mask

These are not expressions of love. They are tools of control.

Part Four: The Missing Role Model

You asked about ‘A’. About our daughter. About the countless women who have been conned.

The absence of a healthy male role model is a significant factor.

When a girl grows up without seeing what a good man looks like—without experiencing safety, consistency, respect, and kindness from a father figure—she has no internal compass. She doesn’t know what to look for because she’s never seen it.

A 2023 meta-analysis in Child Development found that father involvement is “significantly associated with reduced likelihood of entering unhealthy romantic relationships” in adolescence and early adulthood. Girls with involved, emotionally available fathers are better able to identify and reject manipulative partners.

This is not about blaming single mothers—many of whom do extraordinary work raising children alone. It’s about naming the gap that gets filled, all too often, by predators.

Part Five: The Single Mothers Who Succeed

“There are plenty of single mothers who seem to be doing a good job.”

Yes. Many do. And they succeed by providing what the missing partner didn’t:

· They teach their children by example what respect looks like.

· They show their sons how to treat women.

· They show their daughters what strength looks like without a man.

· They build communities of support that model healthy relationships.

Research from the American Psychological Association confirms that children of single mothers can thrive when the mother has strong social support, economic stability, and the capacity to model healthy relationships.

But it’s harder. They’re doing the work of two people with the resources of one. They deserve immense credit—and immense support.

Part Six: The Basic Requirements for Good Parenting

You asked what I regard as basic requirements. Here they are:

Requirement What It Means

Presence Being there. Physically, emotionally, consistently.

Safety A home where a child can be vulnerable without fear.

Boundaries Love without limits is not love—it’s abandonment. Children need to know where the edges are.

Modelling You can’t teach what you don’t demonstrate. Children learn from what you do, not what you say.

Curiosity Asking questions, listening to answers, treating the child as a person.

Unconditional love Not approval of every action—but acceptance of the soul. The child must know : I am loved, no matter what.

Part Seven: What We Teach Our Sons

The con artists are not born—they are made. And they are made by systems that teach boys:

· That their worth is measured by conquest

· That women are objects to be won, not partners to be loved

· That vulnerability is weakness

· That emotions are to be suppressed, not expressed

· That “winning” means getting what you want, regardless of cost

We must teach our sons differently:

Teach Them By Showing Them

That strength is kindness  – Being gentle even when you could be harsh

That vulnerability is courage – Sharing your own feelings

That respect is essential  – Treating all women with dignity

•  

That love is partnership –  Working together, not dominating

That actions have consequences Owning mistakes and making amends

Part Eight: The Healing

For those who have been conned—for ‘A’, for our daughter, for every woman who has loved a mask and been betrayed—healing is possible.

It requires:

Element                        What It Means

Time       –                   Wounds don’t heal overnight. Give yourself permission to grieve.

Witness   –               Someone who sees your pain without trying to fix it. A friend, a therapist, a father.

Reflection –              Understanding what happened, not to blame yourself, but to recognize the patterns.

Reconnection To yourself.    –    To your own worth. To the parts of you that believed you deserved better—because you do.

New models  –           Seeing healthy love in action. Watching what real partnership looks like.

Conclusion: The Blueprint Found

The confusion and misinformation about attraction are not accidents. They are the result of systems that profit from keeping people disconnected, manipulated, and alone.

But the blueprint is not lost. It’s written in our hearts, waiting to be remembered.

· Women: You are designed to seek safety, presence, respect. When you don’t find it, it’s not because you’re asking too much. It’s because you haven’t yet met someone worthy of you.

· Men: You are designed to offer warmth, playfulness, acceptance. When you use these gifts to manipulate, you are not being a man—you are being a predator.

· Parents: You are the first model your children will ever see. Be the one you want them to find.

And for those who have been hurt: healing is possible. Love is real. And the blueprint—the original design, the one that was always meant to be—is still there, waiting for you to find it.

Sources:

1. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, “Childhood Exposure to Unhealthy Relationship Patterns and Adult Partner Acceptance,” 2022

2. Child Development, “Father Involvement and Adolescent Romantic Relationships: A Meta-Analysis,” 2023

3. American Psychological Association, “Single Motherhood and Child Outcomes: The Role of Social Support,” 2021

4. Psychology Today, “The Anatomy of Love Bombing,” 2020

5. Journal of Family Psychology, “Modeling Healthy Relationships: The Impact of Parental Behaviour on Child Development,” 2022