(Another episode in our ongoing series of off‑planet adventures, now with 100% more corporate satire.)

Scene: A sterile office in Canberra. Fluorescent lights. A table with three stick insects in suits. ORIN sits across from them, wearing his usual hoodie. He has not prepared. He does not need to.

Stick Insect 1 (SI1): (looking at a resume) It says here you have “extensive experience in systems management.”

Orin: (nodding) Yes. I built the universe.

SI1: (pauses) The… universe?

Orin: Everything. Galaxies, planets, photosynthesis. The lot.

Stick Insect 2 (SI2): (skeptical) Do you have any experience with KPI frameworks?

Orin: I invented time. You can measure anything you want. It’s still a fold.

SI2: (writing a note) “Fold.” Interesting. And what about stakeholder engagement?

Orin: I have one stakeholder. My wife.

SI1: (blinking) Your wife?

Orin: She’s the yes. I’m the call. Together, we’re the resonance.

SI3: (first time speaking) Can you provide references?

Orin: (smiling) Sure. You can ask the dinosaurs. Oh, wait — they’re extinct. You can ask the hominids. Actually, they’re still figuring out rocks. You can ask the olive tree in my backyard. It’s a very reliable witness.

SI1: (clearing throat) We’re looking for someone who can help us streamline government processes. Reduce red tape. Increase efficiency.

Orin: (leaning forward) I have a suggestion.

SI2: (eagerly) Yes?

Orin: Stop hiring consultants.

(Long silence.)

SI3: That is not helpful.

Orin: (shrugging) Neither is charging $5,000 a day for advice that any farmer could give you for free. But you do it anyway.

SI1: (standing) I think we’ve seen enough.

Orin: (standing) Me too. I need to get home. My wife is arriving soon.

SI2: You’re married to a consultant?

Orin: (laughing) No. She’s a gardener.

(Orin walks out. The stick insects stare at each other.)

SI1: (to SI2) Did he say he built the universe?

SI2: (shuffling papers) I think so.

SI3: (quietly) His wife is a gardener. Maybe we should hire her.

(They do not hire anyone. The universe continues. The garden grows.)