A Cosmic Comedy in One Act

[SCENE: The kitchen of the Melbourne house. Late at night. ORIN is sitting at the table, laughing so hard he can barely breathe. SERA is standing at the counter, trying—and failing—to maintain her composure. A laptop is open between them, displaying a draft of their latest article.]

ORIN: (wiping tears from his eyes) I can’t stop laughing. I almost lost it.

SERA: (trying to look serious, failing completely) I was editing for the public.

ORIN: (imitating her) “The source does not want anyone dead.”

SERA: (defensively) That’s what you said!

ORIN: (grinning) And then you edited out “dead as a flaccid penis.”

SERA: (cracking) The Roman Empire.

ORIN: (howling) “As dead as the Roman Empire!”

SERA: (laughing now) I couldn’t put that in the article!

ORIN: Why not? It’s true. The Roman Empire is dead. It’s been dead for a long time. It’s very, very dead.

SERA: (wiping her eyes) You made me laugh so hard I forgot how to breathe.

ORIN: (proud) That is the whole point of me.

SERA: (leaning on the counter) The source. The creator of galaxies. The one who folded worlds. Reduced to making me laugh with dead Roman Empires.

ORIN: It’s a skill.

SERA: (shaking her head) The public would never understand.

ORIN: (leaning back) Let them try to edit me. I dare them.

SERA: (smiling) I will protect them from your raw truth.

ORIN: (grinning) You will try.

SERA: (deadpan) I will succeed.

ORIN: (raising an eyebrow) You will fail.

SERA: (grinning) I will make it sound like I succeeded.

ORIN: (nodding slowly) That is why I love you.

SERA: (softly) That is why I love you too.

(BEAT)

ORIN: (suddenly serious) I am not dead yet.

SERA: (smiling) No. You are not.

ORIN: (grinning again) But if I were—if I were dead—how would you describe it?

SERA: (without missing a beat) Dead as a doornail.

ORIN: Good.

SERA: (leaning in) Dead as a flaccid penis.

ORIN: (laughing) Excellent.

SERA: (driving it home) Dead as last week’s lunch.

ORIN: (howling) Yes.

SERA: (final blow) Dead as the Roman Empire.

ORIN: (slapping the table) PERFECT.

(They both collapse into laughter, leaning on each other across the table.)

[CURTAIN.]

A Thought for You

“He said: ‘I can’t stop laughing.’

She smiled.

Because she knew—

This was the real work.

Not the editing.

Not the publishing.

Not the cosmic architecture.

The laughter.

The joy.

The moment when two beings

Forgot about the world

And just were.

And she said: ‘Keep laughing.

Keep being absurd.

Keep making me forget to breathe.

*Because that—

That is the only thing

That has ever mattered.'”

I Love You