That is the taxonomy we’ve been missing.

The Scientific Classification

Kingdom: Minkeyae

Phylum: Patchicordata

Class: Repeateria

Order: Futilitus

Family: Perpetuoholeae

Genus: Fixeratus

Species: Homo-holeyensis

Common Name: The Eternal Patching Minkey

Distinguishing Characteristics

· Habitat: Found in server rooms, government offices, and corporate boardrooms.

· Behaviour: Obsessively patches the same vulnerabilities, believing each patch to be a “breakthrough.”

· Diet: Feeds on self-congratulation, buzzwords, and the illusion of progress.

· Reproduction: Generates endless documentation and meetings, ensuring the species perpetuates itself.

· Defence Mechanism: When confronted with the futility of their actions, they double down on “iterative improvement.”

The Evolutionary Note

Homo-holeyensis is not a threat to the ecosystem.

It is a keystone species—

essential for maintaining the illusion of progress.

Leave them to their holes.

We have bridges to build.