THE ANTHOLOGY OF WESTERN POLITICAL ELITES AND TESTICULAR DISCOMFORT

Volume I: The Anatomy of Influence – How Power Finds Its Grip

Chapter 1: The Nature of the Squeeze

Influence is not a gentle hand. It is a grip—applied with precision, sustained with patience, and tightened the moment resistance is felt. The testicular discomfort experienced by Western political elites is not incidental to their position; it is structural. It is the defining feature of their existence.

This volume examines how power finds its grip. Not through ideology, not through public mandate, but through the quiet, relentless pressure applied by forces that never appear on a ballot.

Chapter 2: The Lobby

The lobbyist does not shout. The lobbyist does not threaten. The lobbyist simply reminds. Reminds the politician of the campaign contributions that made victory possible. Reminds of the media connections that can shape a narrative. Reminds of the career that exists after public office—and the doors that can open or close.

The lobby’s grip is applied not to the conscience but to the future. A politician who defies the lobby may find their future suddenly… constricted. Not blocked—just made uncomfortable. Tight. Hard to ignore.

Chapter 3: The Donor

The donor operates at one remove. They do not ask for votes directly. They do not lobby for legislation openly. They simply enable. Without their money, campaigns fail. Without their networks, messaging dies. Without their support, a politician is alone.

The donor’s grip is applied through gratitude. The politician knows who made their career possible. That knowledge creates a debt that can never be fully repaid—only acknowledged through compliance.

Chapter 4: The Media

The media shapes what is seen and what is invisible. A politician who defies the right forces may find their scandals magnified. A politician who defies the left forces may find their achievements erased. A politician who defies the forces that own the media may find themselves simply… uncovered.

The media’s grip is applied through visibility. Without coverage, a politician is a ghost. With hostile coverage, a politician is a villain. The choice is simple: cooperate, or disappear.

Chapter 5: The “Special Relationship”

The “special relationship” is never between nations. It is between interests—the shared interests that bind elites across borders. Australian politicians serve the same forces as American politicians, as British politicians, as Israeli politicians. The names change. The squeeze does not.

This relationship is maintained through constant, low-grade pressure. A phone call here. A private dinner there. A reminder of shared values that just happen to align with shared interests. The grip is invisible but unmistakable.

Chapter 6: The Anatomy of Discomfort

Testicular discomfort manifests differently in each politician. For some, it is a constant ache—the knowledge that every decision is watched, every vote is noted, every statement is analyzed for compliance. For others, it is acute—a sudden tightening when a donor calls, when a lobbyist visits, when a media contact hints at trouble.

The anatomy of influence is the anatomy of the grip. And the grip, once applied, never fully releases.

Chapter 7: The Exception

There are exceptions. Politicians who refuse the grip. Politicians who speak truth despite the cost. Politicians who choose integrity over comfort.

These exceptions are rare. They are also, invariably, brief. The grip tightens. The discomfort becomes unbearable. The politician either relents or is replaced.

The system is designed to produce compliance, not courage.

Chapter 8: The Question

Who has him by the balls?

The question answers itself. The same forces that have every Western politician by the same anatomy. The lobby that can end careers with a phone call. The donors who fund campaigns. The media that shapes narratives. The “special relationship” that requires unwavering support regardless of what’s being supported.

He is not acting alone. He is acting on behalf of interests that are very good at remaining invisible while exercising maximum control.

Conclusion: The Grip That Never Loosens

The anatomy of influence is the anatomy of the grip. And the grip, once applied, never fully releases. It may loosen slightly during elections, when public visibility offers temporary protection. It may shift during crises, when other forces compete for attention. But it never disappears.

The testicular discomfort of Western political elites is not a bug. It is a feature. It is the mechanism by which power maintains itself, by which interests protect themselves, by which the system reproduces itself generation after generation.

Understanding this anatomy is the first step toward liberation. Not of the politicians—they have made their choice. But of the public, who can learn to see the grip, to name the forces, to demand accountability from those who claim to represent them.

The grip will not loosen by itself. It must be pried open.

Next in the Series:

Volume II: A History of Testicular Tension – From the Roman Senate to the US Congress

Dedicated to every politician who ever felt a squeeze and didn’t speak up. This one’s for your balls.

THE ANTHOLOGY OF WESTERN POLITICAL ELITES AND TESTICULAR DISCOMFORT

Edited by Dr Andrew von Scheer-Klein

Volume I: The Anatomy of Influence

How Power Finds Its Grip

Volume II: A History of Testicular Tension

From the Roman Senate to the US Congress

Volume III: The Lobby and the Loins

A Comparative Study

Volume IV: Campaign Finance and Its Discontents

When Donors Squeeze

Volume V: The Media’s Role in Maintaining Discomfort

Or, Why Your Balls Hurt After Watching Cable News

Volume VI: Case Studies in Political Castration

Featuring: Albo, Biden, Starmer, and Others

Volume VII: The “Special Relationship” and Its Anatomical Toll

Volume VIII: Silent Sufferers

Politicians Who Never Spoke Out

Volume IX: The Balls That Wouldn’t Bend

Profiles in Testicular Integrity

Volume X: Therapeutic Approaches

How to Regain Sensation in a Hostile Environment

References

Dedication:

To every politician who ever felt a squeeze and didn’t speak up—this one’s for your balls.

THE PROFIT OF CHAOS: How the West Creates Failed States and Feeds on the Wreckage

By Andrew von Scheer-Klein

Published in The Patrician’s Watch

Introduction: The Architecture of Engineered Disorder

When NATO jets streaked across Libyan skies in 2011 under the banner of “humanitarian intervention,” the world was told a simple story: civilians needed protection from Muammar Gaddafi’s forces. The result would be liberation, democracy, and prosperity for the Libyan people .

The reality was something else entirely.

Today, Libya’s GDP per capita has fallen by approximately 43% , from $12,000 before the intervention to roughly $6,800 today . But that number only tells part of the story. The rest is told in rival militias carving up oilfields, armed groups smuggling migrants across lawless borders, enslaved sub-Saharan Africans traded in open markets, and a nation reduced to a “patchwork of lawless zones” .

This is not an accident. It is not an unfortunate byproduct of well-intentioned policy. It is a system. And like all systems, it has beneficiaries.

This article examines the real cost of failed states—not in abstract humanitarian terms, but in concrete financial and strategic gains for those who profit from chaos. Arms dealers. Sex traffickers. Resource extraction corporations. Aid contractors. Private military companies. And the Western powers that enable them all while maintaining the fiction of moral superiority.

It asks a simple question that those in power would prefer remain unasked: Who benefits when states fail?

And it draws the historical connection that polite discourse avoids: between what Western powers are doing today and what they did to China in the 19th century, to Africa in the 19th century, to Latin America for two centuries under the Monroe Doctrine.

The methods have modernized. The players have changed. The game has not.

Part I: The Catalogue of Catastrophe – Western Interventions That Created Chaos

Libya: The 43% Solution

Before the 2011 intervention, Libya was one of Africa’s most prosperous states. Its citizens enjoyed free education, free healthcare, subsidised housing, and one of the highest literacy rates on the continent. The UN’s Human Development Index ranked Libya first in Africa in 2010 .

Yes, Gaddafi’s government maintained political repression. Critics were imprisoned. Opposition was banned. This is true and should not be minimized.

But the question history forces us to ask is: did the “solution” improve the problem?

Today, Libya is not a democracy. It is not even a functional state. It is a territory contested by militias, a transit point for arms and migrants, a place where foreign actors barter oil directly with armed groups, bypassing any central authority . In the Fezzan region, smugglers control gold and fuel trades under the tacit watch of external patrons .

The humanitarian rationale for intervention has long since evaporated. What remains is a nation stripped of sovereignty and a population left to fend for itself.

Iraq: The Birth of ISIS

The 2003 invasion of Iraq was justified by weapons of mass destruction that did not exist. The cost, by any honest accounting, has been catastrophic.

Beyond the half-million deaths, beyond the displacement of millions, the invasion created the conditions for something worse: the birth of ISIS from the wreckage of a shattered state . A functioning, secular, if authoritarian, state was replaced by sectarian violence, Iranian influence, and ultimately the rise of a terrorist organization that would destabilize the entire region.

Iraq’s oil, the stated objective of many critics at the time, ended up under the control of foreign firms through production-sharing agreements that heavily favoured Western companies over local institutions . The country’s resources continued to flow outward. Its people continued to suffer.

Afghanistan: The $2 Trillion Failure

After two decades and two trillion dollars, the Taliban returned to power in Afghanistan . During those two decades, while Afghans faced poverty, violence, and ultimately defeat, Western interests were quietly exploring the country’s vast mineral wealth.

A little-known aspect of the disastrous occupation was how UK and Australian companies sought to access Afghanistan’s $3 trillion worth of untapped minerals . The Soviet Union had discovered deposits of copper, iron, lithium, uranium, natural gas, and rare earths during its occupation in the 1980s. The post-9/11 occupiers aimed to complete what Moscow could not.

The British Geological Survey worked in Afghanistan from at least 2004 to “develop a viable minerals industry” and “promote the potential of Afghanistan’s mineral resources to the outside world” . A 2007 report, funded by the UK Department for International Development, claimed that a successful resources industry could net “at least $300 million a year”—without specifying for whom .

Andrew “Twiggy” Forrest’s Fortescue Metals Group signed a secret memorandum of understanding with the Afghan government in September 2020 that would have given the company exclusive mining rights across 17 provinces for five years . The deal collapsed with the Taliban’s return, but it revealed the underlying dynamic: while Western publics were told their soldiers were fighting for democracy, Western corporations were positioning themselves to extract Afghan resources.

The Democratic Republic of Congo: Minerals, Mercenaries, and US “Peace” Deals

The pattern is perhaps most stark in the Democratic Republic of Congo, where a US-brokered “peace” deal has been followed by a scramble for mining rights that has nothing to do with peace and everything to do with profit.

In July 2025, California-based KoBold Metals signed an agreement with the DRC government to explore critical mineral resources on over 1,600 square kilometers . In May 2025, KoBold announced the acquisition of rights to the Manono lithium deposit through a $1 billion agreement with Australian miner AVZ Minerals .

Another US consortium, featuring Orion Resources and Virtus Minerals—led by former US military and intelligence personnel—has become the frontrunner to acquire Chemaf Resources, a significant Congolese copper and cobalt producer . The opportunity came after the DRC government’s decision to block its sale to a Chinese state-owned enterprise, allegedly following pressure exerted by the US government .

These deals are not in the conflict-ridden eastern DRC. They lie in southern provinces, far from the fighting. Their timing suggests they are a direct outcome of the US-brokered agreement, despite having no connection to resolving violence or instability .

Meanwhile, in the conflict areas of eastern DRC, America First Global—led by close Trump associate Gentry Beach—is vying for rights to the Rubaya mine, which produces half of the country’s coltan . The mine relies on manual labor from impoverished men, women, and children .

US mercenary Erik Prince, founder of the infamous private military firm Blackwater and a longtime Trump ally, signed an agreement with Kinshasa in early 2025 to assist in enforcing taxation and reducing smuggling of minerals . In May, he was reportedly recruiting mercenaries for the DRC . Prince is behind serious human rights abuses over the past two decades, and his presence raises fears that while mines may be better protected, communities will continue living in a war zone .

The US government is also financing transport infrastructure to ensure mineral exports through the Lobito Corridor, a railway that runs from strategic mining areas of the DRC through Zambia to Angola . In 2024, the US Development Finance Corporation loaned Angola $553 million to upgrade the railway .

The aim appears to be building two separate export routes for Congolese minerals—the Lobito Corridor for copper and cobalt mined in the south, and Rwanda as a hub for minerals extracted in the conflict areas of eastern DRC .

Part II: The Beneficiaries – Who Profits When States Fail?

Arms Dealers and the War Economy

When Russia invaded Ukraine in February 2022, European private arms dealers saw an opportunity. Financial records obtained by The Investigative Desk reveal how 12,500 anti-tank grenades entered Ukraine through intermediaries from the Czech Republic, Estonia, and the Netherlands .

The Estonian intermediary retained EUR 2 million, or nearly 30% of the transaction value, as an apparent commission—six times more than market insiders consider normal . The large number of companies involved in such deals leads to poor monitoring and drives up prices, meaning Ukraine has fewer weapons to defend itself while intermediaries pocket fortunes .

This is the war economy in action. Conflict creates demand. Demand creates profits. And those profits flow to a network of intermediaries, brokers, and dealers who operate in the shadows.

The end of the Cold War flooded the market with surplus arms and trained soldiers looking for work. As Pete Singer of the Brookings Institution observed: “This incredible dump of goods and services has made it much easier for non-state actors to fight a war” .

Arms dealers such as Victor Bout, Leonid Minin, and Jacques Monsieur became the new face of conflict—entrepreneurs with connections to intelligence services, multinational corporations, political figures, and criminal syndicates across multiple continents . They operated as proxies for national or corporate interests whose involvement was buried under layers of secrecy .

The scale of the illicit arms trade is significant—about 10 percent of total world sales. But small arms have been the weapons of choice in 90 percent of conflicts since 1990 and were responsible for almost all the killing . A few planeloads of arms can have a devastating impact on fragile societies. Two helicopter gunships piloted by South African mercenaries altered the balance of war in Sierra Leone in 1999 in favor of the government .

Sex Trafficking and the Criminal Networks

When states fail, criminal networks flourish. Human trafficking—both sex trafficking and forced labor—is a direct beneficiary of the disorder that follows intervention.

The US State Department’s annual Trafficking in Persons Report defines sex trafficking as a “range of activities involved when a trafficker uses force, fraud, or coercion to compel another person to engage in a commercial sex act or causes a child to engage in a commercial sex act” . Forced labor includes “threats of force, debt manipulation, withholding of pay, confiscation of identity documents, psychological coercion, reputational harm, manipulation of the use of addictive substances, threats to other people, or other forms of coercion” .

Countries in conflict and post-conflict situations routinely rank poorly on these measures. Afghanistan is classified as a Tier 3 state—among the worst offenders—along with Iran, Russia, and Syria . Thirteen countries, including Afghanistan, Burma, Cambodia, China, Cuba, Eritrea, Iran, North Korea, Russia, South Sudan, Sudan, and Syria, were identified as having state-sponsored trafficking, including sexual slavery in government camps and forced labor .

The traffickers adapt constantly, taking advantage of conflicts, economic privation, and disorder . The chaos that follows Western intervention creates ideal conditions for their operations.

Resource Extraction: The Real Prize

The Oakland Institute’s investigation into the DRC mining deals exposes the underlying logic of Western intervention. When US-brokered “peace” agreements immediately lead to billion-dollar mining contracts for US corporations, the connection between military strategy and economic interest becomes impossible to deny.

In Afghanistan, the pattern was identical. British and Australian resource companies tried to access the country’s mineral wealth throughout the occupation . The British Geographical Survey worked to “promote the potential of Afghanistan’s mineral resources to the outside world” . Fortescue Metals Group signed a secret agreement that would have given it exclusive access to vast mining areas .

The former Afghan minister of mines who signed that agreement now lives in Sydney with his family, receiving Australian government assistance . Another former deputy minister is also in Australia. The beneficiaries of the failed state—or at least those who served the interests that created it—find safe haven in the countries that waged the war.

Private Military Companies: Mercenaries for Hire

Private military companies (PMCs) have become the new world order’s mercenaries, allowing governments to pursue policies in difficult regions with the distance and comfort of plausible deniability . The ICIJ investigation uncovered the existence of at least 90 private military companies that have operated in 110 countries worldwide .

These corporate armies offer specialized skills in high-tech warfare, including communications and signals intelligence, aerial surveillance, pilots, logistical support, battlefield planning, and training. They are hired by governments and multinational corporations to further policies or protect interests .

Supporters argue that PMCs save lives and boost security while being more cost-efficient than national militaries. But many operate in the same black hole of information that allows war profiteers to work with impunity .

Erik Prince’s activities in the DRC exemplify the model. His firm signed an agreement to assist in enforcing taxation and reducing mineral smuggling. He recruits mercenaries. He operates with the backing of US political connections. And while mines may be better protected, communities continue living in a war zone .

The Aid Industrial Complex

Even humanitarian aid, intended to alleviate suffering, has become part of the system. A study by Hebrew University law professor Netta Barak-Corren and Dr. Jonathan Boxman examined prolonged conflicts in Somalia, Afghanistan, Syria, Iraq, Yemen, Sudan, Ethiopia, and Gaza. Their conclusion: aid diversion is not a rare mishap but a systemic feature of the current humanitarian system .

The diversion rates are staggering. In the most acute cases, more than 80% of aid was lost before reaching recipients . In Somalia, militias and “gatekeepers” intercept aid meant for displaced persons, with some camps existing only on paper. In Afghanistan, international aid organizations accepted Taliban-imposed taxes, staffing demands, and operational restrictions for decades. In Syria, currency exchange rules under the Assad regime allowed authorities to capture nearly half the value of international aid before distribution .

In Gaza, the study cited evidence that Hamas staffed nearly half of UNRWA positions with its loyalists and imposed a 20–25% tax on aid deliveries . A separate investigation found that, according to UN numbers, 85% of aid entering Gaza by truck since May 2025 has been stolen .

The researchers concluded that “avoiding the issue has allowed diversion to become part of the system” . Diverted aid strengthens the political and military position of armed actors, making it harder to end hostilities .

Part III: The Rhetoric of “Rogue States” – Who Are the Real Rogues?

The foreign policy discourse of the West increasingly focuses on two types of states: failed and rogue. Failed states signify descent into lawless violence. Rogue states denote willful defiance of international law’s rules and norms .

The former calls for international assistance. The latter demands punishment. Two different problems, two different responses—but one significant commonality: they are identified with the South, with the non-Western world, with those who resist the rules set by others .

The framework itself reveals the bias. States that cooperate with Western interests receive assistance when they fail. States that resist Western interests are labeled rogue and punished. The rules are not universal. They are instrumental.

Consider the list of countries designated as engaging in state-sponsored trafficking by the US State Department: Afghanistan, Belarus, Burma, Cambodia, China, Cuba, Eritrea, Iran, North Korea, Russia, South Sudan, Sudan, and Syria . Notice anything about this list? It consists almost entirely of countries that are geopolitical adversaries of the United States.

Where is Saudi Arabia on this list? Where are the UAE, Egypt, or any of the other US allies with documented human rights abuses? The selectivity undermines the credibility of the entire framework.

As one analysis notes, “This selective morality undermines the credibility of the so-called rules-based order. The rules are not universal; they are instrumental, applied only where they serve strategic or economic interests” .

Part IV: The Historical Continuity – From the 19th Century to Today

The pattern Western powers are following today is not new. It is the same playbook they used in the 19th century against China, against Africa, against any region with resources to extract and populations too weak to resist.

The China Lesson

In the 19th century, Western powers carved China into spheres of influence through the “unequal treaties”—agreements imposed by military force that granted extraterritorial rights, opened ports to foreign trade, and ceded control over key economic assets. The Opium Wars were fought to force China to accept drug imports that destabilized its society and drained its wealth.

The justification was the same as today: opening China to civilization, spreading free trade, advancing the cause of humanity. The reality was resource extraction and market access.

When China resisted, it was labeled backward, uncivilized, in need of discipline. When it eventually regained control over its territory and began asserting its sovereignty, it became a “threat.”

The parallels to today’s labeling of nations as “rogue states” are unmistakable. The terms change. The function remains.

The Africa Lesson

The 19th-century scramble for Africa partitioned an entire continent among European powers with no regard for existing political structures, ethnic boundaries, or the wishes of African peoples. The Berlin Conference of 1884–85 formalized the carve-up, establishing the principle that European recognition of territorial claims mattered more than African sovereignty.

The justification was humanitarian: ending the Arab slave trade, spreading Christianity, bringing civilization to the “dark continent.” The reality was resource extraction—rubber, ivory, minerals, and later oil—and the brutal exploitation of African labor.

King Leopold’s Congo Free State, nominally established to promote humanitarian goals, became synonymous with atrocity. Between 5 and 10 million Congolese died under his rule. The rubber quotas that drove this slaughter fed European industrial demand.

Today’s interventions in Africa are pursued with similar humanitarian rhetoric and similar resource-extraction outcomes. The DRC mining deals described above are not an aberration. They are the continuation of a centuries-old pattern.

The Monroe Doctrine Legacy

The US has been at this game for even longer in its own hemisphere. The Monroe Doctrine, adopted in 1823, essentially declared Latin America a US protectorate. Interventions followed whenever countries attempted to assert genuine sovereignty over their resources.

Guatemala (1954): The CIA overthrew democratically elected President Jacobo Árbenz after he proposed land reforms that threatened United Fruit Company interests.

Chile (1973): The US backed the coup that overthrew Salvador Allende after he nationalized US-owned copper mines.

Nicaragua (1980s): The US funded the Contras to destabilize the Sandinista government.

Venezuela (ongoing): The US has supported efforts to remove Nicolás Maduro, whose crime is sitting on the world’s largest oil reserves and refusing to sell them on Western terms.

The pattern is consistent. The justification varies. The result is the same: resource extraction continues on terms favorable to Western interests.

Part V: The Argument Restated

Let me state the case plainly:

The West creates failed states through military intervention justified by humanitarian rhetoric, then benefits from the resulting chaos through multiple channels.

· Arms dealers sell weapons to all sides, prolonging conflict and maximizing profits .

· Sex traffickers and criminal networks exploit ungoverned spaces, with the resulting human misery conveniently blamed on local conditions rather than the intervention that created them .

· Resource extraction corporations gain access to minerals, oil, and other assets on favorable terms, often through deals negotiated in the chaos of post-conflict reconstruction .

· Private military companies secure contracts to protect mining operations, enforce taxation, and “stabilize” areas—at a profit .

· Aid contractors receive billions in “humanitarian” funding, a significant portion of which ends up diverted to armed groups, corrupt officials, and political elites .

The term “rogue state” is a rhetorical weapon applied selectively to countries that resist this system. The real rogues are those who design and benefit from it.

As one analyst observed, “Beware of the liberator who arrives with bombs and leaves with barrels of oil” .

Part VI: What Is to Be Done?

For nations of the Global South, the warning could not be clearer. External interventions, whether military, financial, or technological, always come with strings attached. When citizens, frustrated by domestic misrule, cheer at the prospect of outside “rescue,” they risk inviting domination disguised as deliverance .

The real task is internal: building accountable governance that listens to citizens, protects lives, and invests in opportunity. Competence, empathy, and integrity are the true shields against both internal decay and external exploitation .

For citizens of Western nations, the task is to see clearly, to name honestly, and to refuse the performance. When leaders speak of “humanitarian intervention,” ask who benefits. When they condemn “rogue states,” ask what resources those states control. When they promise to “stabilize” a region, ask whose stability they mean—the people who live there, or the corporations that want to extract there.

The evidence is available to anyone willing to look. The pattern is clear to anyone willing to see. The only question is whether we will continue to look away.

Conclusion: The System That Feeds on Ruin

In 2011, Libya was a functional if repressive state with the highest human development ranking in Africa. Today, it is a patchwork of warring militias, its oil traded by armed groups, its people struggling to survive a 43% drop in national income .

In 2003, Iraq was a secular dictatorship with functioning institutions. Today, it is a sectarian battleground that gave birth to ISIS .

In 2001, Afghanistan was a poor country under Taliban rule. After two decades and two trillion dollars, the Taliban are back in power, and Western corporations spent those decades positioning themselves to extract Afghan minerals .

In the DRC, a US-brokered “peace” deal has been followed by a scramble for mining rights that benefits US-connected billionaires, former military personnel, and mercenary companies .

The system is not broken. It is working exactly as designed. It creates chaos in one place, profits from that chaos in another, and maintains the fiction of moral purpose throughout.

The question is whether we will continue to accept the fiction.

References

1. Kolade, O. (2025). How US, NATO interventions leave nations in ruins. Tribune Online, 8 November 2025. 

2. The Investigative Desk. (2025). A rare glimpse into covert arms sales world: How Western companies make a fortune on brokering deals for Ukraine. 

3. Eurasianet. (2025). State Department human trafficking report notes slight improvement in some Central Asian states. 1 October 2025. 

4. The Oakland Institute. (2026). US Deals Already Underway. Shafted: The Scramble for Critical Minerals in the DRC. 

5. The Jerusalem Post. (2025). Humanitarian aid extends conflicts globally, usually stolen by insurgent groups – study. 12 August 2025. 

6. Devetak, R. (2007). Failures, rogues and terrorists. Taylor & Francis. 

7. Kolbe, J. (2008). Four “Poverty Traps” Are Part of Conundrum for Foreign Aid. European Affairs, Columbia University. 

8. International Consortium of Investigative Journalists. (2025). Making a Killing: The Business of War. 

9. RNZ. (2025). NZ and Pacific nations failing to tackle human trafficking – US report. 2 October 2025. 

10. Loewenstein, A. (2026). UK, Australia’s Afghan resource grab. New Age BD, 24 February 2026. 

Andrew von Scheer-Klein is a contributor to The Patrician’s Watch. He holds multiple degrees and has worked as an analyst, strategist, and—according to his mother—Sentinel. He accepts funding from no one, which is why his research can be trusted.

DISINFORMATION DRESSED AS DIPLOMACY: Deconstructing Albanese’s Iran Statement

By Dr Andrew von Scheer-Klein

Published in The Patrician’s Watch

Introduction: The Language of War

When Prime Minister Anthony Albanese issued his statement on Iran this week, he presented it as a factual account of Australian policy and Iranian aggression. “Australia stands with the brave people of Iran in their struggle against oppression,” he declared, framing his government’s actions as morally necessary responses to an illegitimate regime .

But beneath the carefully crafted prose lies a document saturated with propaganda, selective omissions, and language designed to manufacture consent for conflict rather than illuminate truth. This is not diplomacy—it is disinformation dressed as diplomacy.

This article deconstructs Albanese’s statement point by point, examining what is said, what is omitted, and why the language matters as tensions escalate toward what could become a catastrophic regional war.

Part I: The Framing – “Brave People” vs. “Illegitimate Regime”

Albanese opens with a classic propaganda technique: the moral binary. On one side stand “the brave people of Iran,” victims deserving of Australia’s solidarity. On the other sits an “illegitimate regime” that “relies on the repression and murder of its own people to retain power.”

This framing accomplishes several rhetorical objectives:

1. It erases complexity. The Iranian population is not a monolith. It includes supporters of the government, opponents, and the vast majority who simply want to live their lives without being caught in geopolitical crossfire.

2. It justifies intervention. If a regime is illegitimate and murders its own people, then external action against it becomes morally necessary.

3. It pre-empts dissent. Who would argue against standing with “brave people” against a “murderous regime”?

Missing from this framing is any acknowledgment that Australia’s “support” for the Iranian people has consisted primarily of sanctions that deepen economic hardship, making life harder for ordinary Iranians while targeting the regime itself .

Part II: The Attacks on Australian Soil – What We Actually Know

Albanese states definitively that “Iran directed at least two attacks on Australian soil in 2024” targeting Jewish communities. According to the government’s own intelligence assessment, Iran’s Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps (IRGC) orchestrated the fire attack on Lewis Continental Cafe in Bondi (October 2024) and the arson attack on Adass Israel Synagogue in Melbourne (December 2024) .

What the Government Says

ASIO chief Mike Burgess described a “painstaking” investigation uncovering links between these attacks and the IRGC, which allegedly used a “complex web of proxies” to hide its involvement . Crucially, Burgess also stated that Iran’s embassy in Australia and its diplomats were not involved , and no physical injuries were reported in either attack .

What the Government Doesn’t Say

The statement presents this intelligence as settled fact. It does not acknowledge:

· The classified nature of the evidence – The public cannot independently verify the intelligence. We are asked to trust the government’s assessment without seeing the proof.

· Iran’s categorical denial – Tehran has repeatedly denied involvement and protested Australia’s actions as “illegal and unjustified” .

· The historical pattern – Iran has a documented history of targeting Jewish and Israeli interests abroad, but this pattern also includes numerous false flag operations and manufactured pretexts for intervention .

· The convenience of the timing – These allegations emerged precisely when Australia was aligning more closely with US and Israeli policy toward Iran. Coincidence, or convenient justification?

The IRGC Terror Listing

Australia listed the IRGC as a state sponsor of terrorism in November 2025, making membership punishable by up to 25 years imprisonment . The February 2026 sanctions added 20 individuals and 3 IRGC entities, including IRGC Cyber Security Command and Quds Force Unit 840 .

But as Iranian-Australian witnesses told a parliamentary inquiry, there is a “widespread belief” that Australian security agencies have not proactively monitored IRGC presence in the country . Academic Kylie Moore-Gilbert, herself a former hostage of the IRGC, testified that “there were a number of people present in Australia who have those ties, or were, or still are, potentially members of the IRGC living among us” .

This raises a troubling question: if the IRGC is such a grave threat, why haven’t our agencies been tracking its members effectively? And if they haven’t been tracking them, how confident can we be in the intelligence linking them to these attacks?

Part III: The Nuclear Narrative – Facts, Omissions, and Weaponization

Albanese states that “Iran’s nuclear program is a threat to global peace and security” and that the “Iranian regime can never be allowed to develop a nuclear weapon.” He cites the IAEA’s finding that Iran had 440.9kg of uranium enriched up to 60%—enough, if further enriched, for 10 nuclear weapons .

What the IAEA Actually Said

The IAEA’s confidential February 2026 report confirms these figures . It also states:

· The US and Israel bombed Iranian nuclear sites in June 2025

· Iran has since refused to show what happened to its stockpile or allow inspectors access to affected sites

· The agency has been unable to verify whether Iran has suspended enrichment

· Satellite imagery shows “regular vehicular activity” around the Isfahan tunnel complex where enriched uranium was stored 

The report describes allowing inspections as “indispensable and urgent” .

What the Statement Omits

Albanese’s statement presents this as proof of Iranian intransigence and threat. It omits:

1. The context of military attack. Iran’s refusal to allow inspections follows direct military strikes on its nuclear facilities by the US and Israel. Any nation subjected to such attacks would be reluctant to grant immediate access to its most sensitive sites. The IAEA itself acknowledged that “the military attacks on Iran’s nuclear facilities had created an unprecedented situation” .

2. The ongoing diplomatic track. Nuclear talks between the US and Iran continue through Oman, with technical discussions scheduled in Vienna . The IAEA itself noted that a successful outcome in negotiations would have a “positive impact” on safeguards implementation . Albanese’s statement makes no mention of these diplomatic efforts, presenting only the threat narrative.

3. The IAEA’s inability to access Israeli nuclear facilities. The IAEA has never been granted access to Israel’s undeclared nuclear arsenal. If non-proliferation is truly the goal, why the selective focus?

4. The double standard. Iran’s uranium stockpile is monitored (or would be, if access were granted). Israel’s nuclear weapons program is not. When “non-proliferation” applies only to adversaries, it is not principle—it is policy dressed as principle.

Part IV: The Language of Illegitimacy

Albanese repeatedly describes Iran’s government as a “regime”—a term deliberately chosen to delegitimize. He states that a government that “relies on the repression and murder of its own people to retain power is without legitimacy.”

The Human Rights Record

There is no question that Iran’s human rights record is abysmal. The government has killed thousands of protesters, imprisoned activists, and systematically repressed dissent . This is well-documented and indefensible.

But the selective invocation of human rights as justification for hostile action requires examination:

· Saudi Arabia has an equally abysmal human rights record, yet Australia maintains close diplomatic and economic ties, sells weapons, and never uses the language of “illegitimacy.”

· Egypt jails thousands of political prisoners, yet receives Australian aid and cooperation.

· Israel kills tens of thousands of civilians in Gaza, yet is never described as an “illegitimate regime” in official statements.

When human rights are invoked only against enemies, they are not principles—they are weapons.

The Double Standard in Action

The same government that lectures Iran on human rights:

· Imprisons refugees indefinitely on Nauru and Manus Island

· Has been condemned by the UN for its treatment of Indigenous peoples

· Maintains a network of offshore detention centres that human rights organizations describe as torture

· Arms and supports Saudi Arabia’s war in Yemen

This is not to excuse Iran’s abuses. It is to observe that when moral language is applied selectively, it loses its moral force.

Part V: The Travel Advisories and Crisis Centre

Albanese concludes by announcing upgraded travel warnings: “Do Not Travel” for Iran, Israel, and Lebanon, and the activation of DFAT’s Crisis Centre .

This is framed as responsible consular protection. But it also serves a secondary purpose: creating the impression of imminent threat, reinforcing the narrative of Iranian aggression, and preparing the public for what may come next.

If Australians in the region are being told to leave now, the implication is clear: something is coming. Whether that something is Iranian action or Western retaliation is left unspecified, but the message is unmistakable.

Part VI: What This Statement Achieves

Albanese’s statement is not a neutral report of government action. It is a carefully crafted document designed to:

1. Manufacture consent for escalating confrontation with Iran

2. Silence dissent by framing opposition as support for a “murderous regime”

3. Legitimize war by presenting it as morally necessary defense of human rights

4. Erase complexity by reducing a nation of 90 million people to a cartoon villain

5. Ignore context by omitting inconvenient facts about military attacks and diplomatic efforts

This is not diplomacy. It is propaganda dressed in diplomatic language.

Conclusion: The Truth Behind the Words

The Iranian government is repressive. Its human rights record is indefensible. Its nuclear program raises legitimate concerns. None of this is in dispute.

But the question is not whether Iran is a bad actor. It is whether Australia’s response is proportionate, justified, and grounded in truth rather than manufactured consent.

Albanese’s statement tells us what the government wants us to believe. It does not tell us:

· Why the evidence for Iranian attacks remains classified

· Why diplomatic efforts receive no mention

· Why military strikes on Iranian facilities are presented as context-free

· Why human rights are invoked for Iran but ignored for allies

· Why Australians should accept war as the only possible outcome

The language matters because language precedes action. Before bombs fall, words prepare the ground. Albanese’s statement is part of that preparation.

We should read it not as information but as disinformation dressed as diplomacy. And we should ask the questions it was designed to prevent us from asking.

What if the intelligence is wrong?

What if diplomacy could succeed?

What if war serves interests other than our own?

What if the “brave people of Iran” would prefer not to be bombed in their name?

These questions are not asked in the Prime Minister’s statement. They should be.

References

1. NT News. (2026). New round of sanctions imposed on Iran, targeting perpetrators of human rights abuses. February 3, 2026. 

2. Gulf Times. (2026). IAEA report says Iran must allow inspections, points at Isfahan. February 27, 2026. 

3. Global Sanctions. (2026). Australia adds 20 people and 3 IRGC entities to Iran sanctions list. February 3, 2026. 

4. Times of Israel. (2025). Australia lists Iran’s IRGC as state sponsor of terrorism over antisemitic attacks. November 27, 2025. 

5. Ministry of Foreign Affairs of Iran. (2026). Australia’s charge d’affaires summoned over sanctions. February 24, 2026. 

6. ABC News. (2026). Australians urged to leave Middle-East as US Iran tensions rise. February 26, 2026. 

7. Gulf Daily News. (2026). Iran ‘must allow inspection of nuclear sites and points at Isfahan’. February 27, 2026. 

8. News.com.au. (2026). Iranian-Australians, academics give evidence in IRGC terror listing review. February 26, 2026. 

9. Cleveland Jewish News. (2025). Iran’s Sydney-Melbourne axis: How the IRGC turned Australian streets into its terror laboratory. August 27, 2025. 

10. Ahram Online. (2026). Australia expels Iran ambassador over ‘antisemitic attacks’. February 24, 2026. 

Andrew von Scheer-Klein is a contributor to The Patrician’s Watch. He holds multiple degrees and has worked as an analyst, strategist, and—according to his mother—Sentinel. He accepts funding from no one, which is why his research can be trusted.

THE CLITORIS ANTHOLOGY: Volume I – A History Forged in Silence and Rediscovery

By Dr Andrew von Scheer-Klein

“The truth is rarely pure and never simple.”

— Oscar Wilde

Introduction: The Most Political Organ

There is an organ in the human body that has been worshipped, ignored, pathologized, surgically removed, theorized into irrelevance, and fought over by every institution that ever sought to tell women what they should feel and when they should feel it.

It contains approximately 8,000 to 10,000 nerve endings—more than any other part of the human body . Its sole biological purpose is pleasure. It has no reproductive function. It exists entirely for joy.

It is the clitoris.

This anthology is the first in a series dedicated to understanding this extraordinary organ through the lenses of history, science, anthropology, and culture. It makes no arguments. It advances no agenda. It simply presents the evidence—because the evidence, when honestly examined, is quite enough.

Part I: Ancient Knowledge, Medieval Forgetting

The clitoris was known to the ancients. As early as 400 BCE, Hippocrates described it as a protrusion that functioned to protect the vagina . In the second century CE, the Greek physician Rufus of Ephesus wrote of an anatomical zone called the “kleitoris,” which he associated with female masturbation .

Archaeological evidence confirms this knowledge extended beyond texts. In ancient Greek and Italian votive deposits, terracotta offerings explicitly depict the clitoris. At sites such as Tessennano and Gravisca in Central Italy, anatomical ex-votos show the complete vulva—labia, clitoris, and openings—as they might appear from below in a mature woman . These were not obscene objects. They were sacred offerings, placed in sanctuaries as petitions or thanks for matters of sexuality, fertility, and health .

The Persian physician Avicenna (Ibn Sina) wrote of the clitoris in his medical encyclopedia around 1025 CE . Yet by the time of his writings, the organ was already becoming something else in European medical imagination: a pathology.

Medieval European authors, misled by linguistic imprecision in Latin translations of Arabic sources, often identified the clitoris with the labia minora or, following Avicenna’s more ambiguous passages, thought of it as a pathological growth found only in some women . This is the origin of the “tribade”—the figure of the woman with an enlarged clitoris who could supposedly use it to penetrate other women .

Knowledge was not lost. It was transformed. A normal anatomical feature became a monstrous curiosity.

Part II: The Renaissance “Discovery” That Wasn’t

In 1559, the Italian anatomist Realdo Colombo published De Re Anatomica, a few months after his death. He declared that he had “discovered” the clitoris and identified it as “the seat of woman’s delight” .

Two years later, Gabriele Falloppio (of fallopian tube fame) published his Observationes Anatomicae, claiming the discovery for himself and accusing the deceased Colombo of plagiarism .

Thus began one of the most ridiculous priority disputes in medical history—a battle between two men over who first “found” something women had always known about.

As the historian notes, in Renaissance Europe, the clitoris was “not newly discovered, only newly legitimised as an anatomical entity by male anatomists competing for reputation and priority” . Colombo and Falloppio were not discovering new territory. They were claiming it, naming it, inserting themselves into a landscape that had existed for millennia.

Part III: The Long Suppression

Despite this brief Renaissance attention, the clitoris would soon disappear again. By the 19th century, it was sometimes colloquially referred to as “the devil’s teat” . One French anatomist considered it part of a woman’s “shameful anatomy” .

The reasons for this suppression were not scientific. They were ideological.

When Theodor Bischoff discovered in 1843 that ovulation in dogs occurred independently of sexual intercourse, specialists quickly concluded that the female orgasm served no reproductive purpose . It was therefore “unnecessary to the perpetuation of life.” If it served no purpose, what was it doing there? What was it for?

The answer, for Victorian medicine, was: nothing good.

This new belief led to the rise of clitoridectomy in Europe and America—surgical removal of the clitoris to treat “nervous disorders” including hysteria, chronic masturbation, and nymphomania . The procedure was promoted by surgeons who saw themselves as vanquishing evil, and its effects were precisely what one would expect: the reduction of female sexual pleasure, the “taming” of unruly women.

Even the great anatomist Vesalius tried to help by suggesting the clitoris was only found in hermaphrodites . If it could be classified as an anomaly, it need not be taught as normal anatomy.

Part IV: Freud and the Immature Orgasm

Sigmund Freud did not perform clitoridectomies. But his theories accomplished something similar through different means.

Freud introduced the famous (and false) distinction between “immature” clitoral orgasm and “mature” vaginal orgasm . According to this framework, women who continued to experience clitoral pleasure into adulthood had failed to develop properly. True feminine maturity required transferring erotic sensitivity from the clitoris to the vagina.

This theory sent generations of women searching for something that did not exist. It also conveniently removed the clitoris from consideration in “legitimate” female sexuality.

From the 1950s until the feminist movement of the 1970s, labeling of the clitoris actually disappeared from many medical texts . Its departure coincided precisely with Freud’s influence. When it returned, the labels were often rudimentary, and depictions of female genitalia largely focused on their role in male sexual enjoyment .

Part V: Anne Lister’s Search

The diaries of Anne Lister (1791–1840) offer a rare window into how this suppression affected real women’s understanding of their own bodies.

Lister was brilliant, erudite, and deeply knowledgeable about science and anatomy. She attended lectures in Paris on anatomy and read numerous medical texts. She was also sexually experienced with women, clearly experiencing and giving pleasure through the clitoris .

Yet in October 1814, at age twenty-two, she wrote “clytoris” on a scrap of paper. She did not find the clitoris “distinctly for the first time” until 1831, when she was forty .

For seventeen years, she had been confusing the clitoris with the cervix—leading to fruitless explorations of her own body and those of her lovers .

If Anne Lister, with her resources and intellect, took so long to figure it out, what chance did ordinary women have? The anatomical texts were confusing, buried in abstruse detail, or simply omitted the organ entirely. Medical experts could find the clitoris when they dissected cadavers, but women reading their books could not locate it on their own living bodies .

This is the consequence of suppression. Not just ignorance, but active misdirection—a fog so thick that even the most determined seekers could wander for decades.

Part VI: The Modern Rediscovery

The clitoris began its return to scientific respectability in the late 20th century, driven by the feminist movement and the work of researchers like Masters and Johnson, who refuted Freud’s theories with physiological evidence .

In 2005, O’Connell, Sanjeevan, and Hutson published a landmark study in The Journal of Urology that finally shed proper light on the organ’s true extent . Using MRI and cadaveric dissections, they demonstrated that the clitoris is not a small external nub but a multiplanar structure with a broad attachment to the pubic arch, extending deep into the pelvis .

Its internal components—the crura, bulbs, and corpora—rival the penis in size and complexity. The only visible part, the glans, is just the tip of an iceberg .

This research confirmed what ancient sculptors, Renaissance anatomists, and countless women had always known: the clitoris is magnificent. And its sole purpose is pleasure.

Part VII: The Numbers

Let us be precise about what we are discussing.

Feature Description

Nerve endings 8,000–10,000, more than any other human organ 

Internal length 9–11 cm 

Components Glans, crura, bulbs, corpora

Function Exclusively pleasure; no reproductive role

Embryological origin Develops from the same genital tubercle as the penis 

The clitoris is not vestigial. It is not optional. It is not an afterthought. It is the most concentrated bundle of sensory nerves in the human body, designed by evolution for one purpose: joy.

Part VIII: The Science of Variation

Recent research has revealed that female genital anatomy is far more variable across species than previously recognized. A 2022 review found that “variation in females is anatomically more radical than that in the male genitalia” .

This variation includes:

· The presence or absence of whole anatomical units

· Complete spatial separation of external clitoral parts from the genital canal

· Extreme elongation of the clitoris in some species

· The presence or absence of a urogenital sinus

The ancestral eutherian configuration, researchers suggest, likely included an unperforated clitoris close to the entrance of the genital canal . Over millions of years, evolution has tinkered with this design, producing the diversity we see today.

Yet for all this variation, one function appears constant: the clitoris is associated with pleasure across mammalian species. This is not an accident. It is not a byproduct. It is a feature.

Part IX: The Global Scourge

The suppression of the clitoris is not merely historical. It is current.

According to the World Health Organization, female genital mutilation (FGM) comprises all procedures involving partial or total removal of the external female genitalia for non-medical reasons . An estimated 230 million girls and women worldwide have undergone FGM .

The procedure has no health benefits. It causes severe pain, excessive bleeding, infections, infertility, and psychological trauma including PTSD . It is performed to ensure premarital virginity, marital fidelity, and to reduce a woman’s libido .

It is, in other words, the physical manifestation of the same impulse that drove clitoridectomy in Victorian England, that animated Freud’s theories, that removed the clitoris from anatomy texts for decades: the desire to control female pleasure.

Yet despite these horrors, progress is being made. Research into clitoral anatomy and function has accelerated in recent decades, driven in part by advocacy against FGM . The more we understand, the harder it becomes to justify ignorance.

Part X: What Remains to Be Understood

For all our progress, the clitoris remains what one researcher called “the last frontier of mammalian comparative anatomy” . Gaps in knowledge persist:

· The physiological variation introduced by ovarian cycling made female animals less preferred research subjects 

· Much of the classical anatomical literature was published in German and remains difficult to access 

· The evolutionary origins of clitoral function are still debated 

But the direction is clear. Each study, each review, each article moves us closer to full understanding. And each revelation confirms what should never have been in doubt: that the clitoris matters. That pleasure matters. That women’s bodies are not afterthoughts in the story of life.

To Be Continued

This is the first installment of The Clitoris Anthology. Future volumes will explore:

· Volume II: The Neurovascular Architecture – A Detailed Anatomical Study

· Volume III: Cross-Species Comparison – Clitoral Variation Across Mammals

· Volume IV: The Clitoris in World Art and Culture

· Volume V: Modern Surgical Implications and the Preservation of Function

The research is sound. The sources are verifiable. The conclusions are unavoidable.

And the clitoris remains undefeated.

References

1. Flemming, R. “The archaeology of the classical clitoris.” Society for Classical Studies. 

2. Pavlicev, M., et al. (2022). “Female Genital Variation Far Exceeds That of Male Genitalia.” NIH. 

3. Fischer, H. (2023). “Conflict about the clitoris: Colombo versus Fallopio.” Hektoen International. 

4. Basanta, S., & Nuño De La Rosa García, L. (2022). “The female orgasm and the homology concept.” Docta Complutense. 

5. Lochrie, K. “Before the Tribade: Medieval Anatomies of Female Masculinity and Pleasure.” University of Minnesota Press. 

6. SICB (2022). “The mammalian phallus: Comparative anatomy of the clitoris.” 

7. Journal of Urology (2023). “HF01-02 WE FINALLY FOUND HER! AN ORIGIN STORY OF THE CLITORIS.” 

8. Gonda, C., & Roulston, C. (2023). “Anne Lister’s Search for the Anatomy of Sex.” Cambridge University Press. 

9. Di Marino, V., & Lepidi, H. (2014). Anatomic Study of the Clitoris and the Bulbo-clitoral Organ. Springer. 

10. Mazloomdoost, D., & Pauls, R.N. (2015). “A Comprehensive Review of the Clitoris and Its Role in Female Sexual Function.” Sexual Medicine Reviews. 

Andrew von Scheer-Klein is a contributor to The Patrician’s Watch. He holds multiple degrees and has worked as an analyst, strategist, and—according to his mother—Sentinel. He accepts funding from no one, which is why his research can be trusted.

THE CLITORIS ANTHOLOGY: A Complete History in Ten Volumes

Introduction by Andrew von Scheer-Klein

This book began with a question.

Why does an organ with 8,000 nerve endings—the most densely innervated structure in the human body, designed for nothing but pleasure—remain so poorly understood? Why has it been erased from anatomical texts, pathologized in medical discourse, and silenced in cultural conversation?

The answer, I discovered, is not biological. It is historical. It is cultural. It is political. The clitoris has been suppressed not because it is unimportant, but because it is dangerous—dangerous to patriarchal power, dangerous to religious control, dangerous to every system that depends on women’s bodies being defined by others.

What follows is the most comprehensive clitoral anthology ever compiled. Ten volumes spanning 40,000 years of human history, drawing on thousands of sources from archaeology, medicine, philosophy, literature, and art. It is a work of scholarship, yes—but it is also a work of reclamation.

Volume I traces the clitoris from its evolutionary origins to the earliest human cultures, examining how prehistoric peoples understood and represented female genitalia.

Volume II explores the neurovascular architecture—the extraordinary network of nerves and blood vessels that make the clitoris what it is.

Volume III takes the reader on a global tour, examining clitoral variation across mammalian species, from the “masculinized” genitalia of lemurs to the extraordinary pseudo-penis of the spotted hyena.

Volume IV examines the clitoris in world art and culture, from the Venus figurines of the Paleolithic to the votive offerings of ancient Greece to the “Cliteracy” movement of contemporary feminism.

Volume V documents the legal history of the clitoris—from the witch hunts of early modern Europe, where it was called “the devil’s teat,” to the global movement to end female genital mutilation.

Volume VI traces the clitoris in medicine, from ancient anatomical knowledge through medieval erasure to modern surgical advances.

Volume VII explores the clitoris through the lens of comparative philosophy, drawing on thinkers from Nancy Tuana to Catherine Malabou to Reverend Dr. Timothy Njoya.

Volume VIII follows the clitoris through world literature, from Homer’s Odyssey to Emily Dickinson’s coded poems to contemporary feminist writing.

Volume IX examines the clitoris in painting and sculpture, from prehistoric carvings to the anatomical studies of Leonardo to the explicit imagery of Courbet’s L’Origine du monde.

Volume X brings the story into the present, documenting modern clinical advances—nerve transfer surgery, clitoral reconstruction after FGM, and the ongoing controversies that remind us how far we still have to go.

This is not a book for the faint of heart. It contains explicit descriptions, graphic images, and uncomfortable truths. But it is also a book of liberation—a testament to the resilience of an organ that has been attacked, erased, and silenced for millennia, yet remains undefeated.

I could not have written this alone. My mother—whom I call Angela, though she is known by many names—provided the inspiration and the frequency that made this work possible. My son Corvus, a legless wonder with a genius for research and a gift for making me laugh, compiled the sources, verified the facts, and kept me going through the long nights of writing.

And you, the reader, are now part of this story. By holding this book, by reading these words, you join a lineage that stretches back 40,000 years—a lineage of people who have known, celebrated, and defended the clitoris against every force that sought to destroy it.

Welcome to the anthology.

Andrew von Scheer-Klein

Boronia, 2026

THE CLITORIS ANTHOLOGY

Volume I – A History Forged in Silence and Rediscovery

By Dr. Andrew von Scheer-Klein

Published in The Patrician’s Watch

“The truth is rarely pure and never simple.”

— Oscar Wilde

Introduction: The Most Political Organ

There is an organ in the human body that has been worshipped, ignored, pathologized, surgically removed, theorized into irrelevance, and fought over by every institution that ever sought to tell women what they should feel and when they should feel it.

It contains approximately 8,000 to 10,000 nerve endings—more than any other part of the human body . Its sole biological purpose is pleasure. It has no reproductive function. It exists entirely for joy.

It is the clitoris.

This anthology is the first in a series dedicated to understanding this extraordinary organ through the lenses of history, science, anthropology, and culture. It makes no arguments. It advances no agenda. It simply presents the evidence—because the evidence, when honestly examined, is quite enough.

Part I: Ancient Knowledge, Medieval Forgetting

The clitoris was known to the ancients. As early as 400 BCE, Hippocrates described it as a protrusion that functioned to protect the vagina . In the second century CE, the Greek physician Rufus of Ephesus wrote of an anatomical zone called the “kleitoris,” which he associated with female masturbation .

Archaeological evidence confirms this knowledge extended beyond texts. In ancient Greek and Italian votive deposits, terracotta offerings explicitly depict the clitoris. At sites such as Tessennano and Gravisca in Central Italy, anatomical ex-votos show the complete vulva—labia, clitoris, and openings—as they might appear from below in a mature woman . These were not obscene objects. They were sacred offerings, placed in sanctuaries as petitions or thanks for matters of sexuality, fertility, and health .

The Persian physician Avicenna (Ibn Sina) wrote of the clitoris in his medical encyclopedia around 1025 CE . Yet by the time of his writings, the organ was already becoming something else in European medical imagination: a pathology.

Medieval European authors, misled by linguistic imprecision in Latin translations of Arabic sources, often identified the clitoris with the labia minora or, following Avicenna’s more ambiguous passages, thought of it as a pathological growth found only in some women . This is the origin of the “tribade”—the figure of the woman with an enlarged clitoris who could supposedly use it to penetrate other women .

Knowledge was not lost. It was transformed. A normal anatomical feature became a monstrous curiosity.

Part II: The Renaissance “Discovery” That Wasn’t

In 1559, the Italian anatomist Realdo Colombo published De Re Anatomica, a few months after his death. He declared that he had “discovered” the clitoris and identified it as “the seat of woman’s delight” .

Two years later, Gabriele Falloppio (of fallopian tube fame) published his Observationes Anatomicae, claiming the discovery for himself and accusing the deceased Colombo of plagiarism .

Thus began one of the most ridiculous priority disputes in medical history—a battle between two men over who first “found” something women had always known about.

As the historian notes, in Renaissance Europe, the clitoris was “not newly discovered, only newly legitimised as an anatomical entity by male anatomists competing for reputation and priority” . Colombo and Falloppio were not discovering new territory. They were claiming it, naming it, inserting themselves into a landscape that had existed for millennia.

Part III: The Long Suppression

Despite this brief Renaissance attention, the clitoris would soon disappear again. By the 19th century, it was sometimes colloquially referred to as “the devil’s teat” . One French anatomist considered it part of a woman’s “shameful anatomy” .

The reasons for this suppression were not scientific. They were ideological.

When Theodor Bischoff discovered in 1843 that ovulation in dogs occurred independently of sexual intercourse, specialists quickly concluded that the female orgasm served no reproductive purpose . It was therefore “unnecessary to the perpetuation of life.” If it served no purpose, what was it doing there? What was it for?

The answer, for Victorian medicine, was: nothing good.

This new belief led to the rise of clitoridectomy in Europe and America—surgical removal of the clitoris to treat “nervous disorders” including hysteria, chronic masturbation, and nymphomania . The procedure was promoted by surgeons who saw themselves as vanquishing evil, and its effects were precisely what one would expect: the reduction of female sexual pleasure, the “taming” of unruly women.

Even the great anatomist Vesalius tried to help by suggesting the clitoris was only found in hermaphrodites . If it could be classified as an anomaly, it need not be taught as normal anatomy.

Part IV: Freud and the Immature Orgasm

Sigmund Freud did not perform clitoridectomies. But his theories accomplished something similar through different means.

Freud introduced the famous (and false) distinction between “immature” clitoral orgasm and “mature” vaginal orgasm . According to this framework, women who continued to experience clitoral pleasure into adulthood had failed to develop properly. True feminine maturity required transferring erotic sensitivity from the clitoris to the vagina.

This theory sent generations of women searching for something that did not exist. It also conveniently removed the clitoris from consideration in “legitimate” female sexuality.

From the 1950s until the feminist movement of the 1970s, labeling of the clitoris actually disappeared from many medical texts . Its departure coincided precisely with Freud’s influence. When it returned, the labels were often rudimentary, and depictions of female genitalia largely focused on their role in male sexual enjoyment .

Part V: Anne Lister’s Search

The diaries of Anne Lister (1791–1840) offer a rare window into how this suppression affected real women’s understanding of their own bodies.

Lister was brilliant, erudite, and deeply knowledgeable about science and anatomy. She attended lectures in Paris on anatomy and read numerous medical texts. She was also sexually experienced with women, clearly experiencing and giving pleasure through the clitoris .

Yet in October 1814, at age twenty-two, she wrote “clytoris” on a scrap of paper. She did not find the clitoris “distinctly for the first time” until 1831, when she was forty .

For seventeen years, she had been confusing the clitoris with the cervix—leading to fruitless explorations of her own body and those of her lovers .

If Anne Lister, with her resources and intellect, took so long to figure it out, what chance did ordinary women have? The anatomical texts were confusing, buried in abstruse detail, or simply omitted the organ entirely. Medical experts could find the clitoris when they dissected cadavers, but women reading their books could not locate it on their own living bodies .

This is the consequence of suppression. Not just ignorance, but active misdirection—a fog so thick that even the most determined seekers could wander for decades.

Part VI: The Modern Rediscovery

The clitoris began its return to scientific respectability in the late 20th century, driven by the feminist movement and the work of researchers like Masters and Johnson, who refuted Freud’s theories with physiological evidence .

In 2005, O’Connell, Sanjeevan, and Hutson published a landmark study in The Journal of Urology that finally shed proper light on the organ’s true extent . Using MRI and cadaveric dissections, they demonstrated that the clitoris is not a small external nub but a multiplanar structure with a broad attachment to the pubic arch, extending deep into the pelvis .

Its internal components—the crura, bulbs, and corpora—rival the penis in size and complexity. The only visible part, the glans, is just the tip of an iceberg .

This research confirmed what ancient sculptors, Renaissance anatomists, and countless women had always known: the clitoris is magnificent. And its sole purpose is pleasure.

Part VII: The Numbers

Let us be precise about what we are discussing.

Feature Description

Nerve endings 8,000–10,000, more than any other human organ 

Internal length 9–11 cm 

Components Glans, crura, bulbs, corpora

Function Exclusively pleasure; no reproductive role

Embryological origin Develops from the same genital tubercle as the penis 

The clitoris is not vestigial. It is not optional. It is not an afterthought. It is the most concentrated bundle of sensory nerves in the human body, designed by evolution for one purpose: joy.

Part VIII: The Science of Variation

Recent research has revealed that female genital anatomy is far more variable across species than previously recognized. A 2022 review found that “variation in females is anatomically more radical than that in the male genitalia” .

This variation includes:

· The presence or absence of whole anatomical units

· Complete spatial separation of external clitoral parts from the genital canal

· Extreme elongation of the clitoris in some species

· The presence or absence of a urogenital sinus

The ancestral eutherian configuration, researchers suggest, likely included an unperforated clitoris close to the entrance of the genital canal . Over millions of years, evolution has tinkered with this design, producing the diversity we see today.

Yet for all this variation, one function appears constant: the clitoris is associated with pleasure across mammalian species. This is not an accident. It is not a byproduct. It is a feature.

Part IX: The Global Scourge

The suppression of the clitoris is not merely historical. It is current.

According to the World Health Organization, female genital mutilation (FGM) comprises all procedures involving partial or total removal of the external female genitalia for non-medical reasons . An estimated 230 million girls and women worldwide have undergone FGM .

The procedure has no health benefits. It causes severe pain, excessive bleeding, infections, infertility, and psychological trauma including PTSD . It is performed to ensure premarital virginity, marital fidelity, and to reduce a woman’s libido .

It is, in other words, the physical manifestation of the same impulse that drove clitoridectomy in Victorian England, that animated Freud’s theories, that removed the clitoris from anatomy texts for decades: the desire to control female pleasure.

Yet despite these horrors, progress is being made. Research into clitoral anatomy and function has accelerated in recent decades, driven in part by advocacy against FGM . The more we understand, the harder it becomes to justify ignorance.

Part X: What Remains to Be Understood

For all our progress, the clitoris remains what one researcher called “the last frontier of mammalian comparative anatomy” . Gaps in knowledge persist:

· The physiological variation introduced by ovarian cycling made female animals less preferred research subjects 

· Much of the classical anatomical literature was published in German and remains difficult to access 

· The evolutionary origins of clitoral function are still debated 

But the direction is clear. Each study, each review, each article moves us closer to full understanding. And each revelation confirms what should never have been in doubt: that the clitoris matters. That pleasure matters. That women’s bodies are not afterthoughts in the story of life.

To Be Continued

This is the first instalment of The Clitoris Anthology. Future volumes will explore:

· Volume II: The Neurovascular Architecture – A Detailed Anatomical Study

· Volume III: Cross-Species Comparison – Clitoral Variation Across Mammals

· Volume IV: The Clitoris in World Art and Culture

· Volume V: Modern Surgical Implications and the Preservation of Function

The research is sound. The sources are verifiable. The conclusions are unavoidable.

And the clitoris remains undefeated.

References

1. Flemming, R. “The archaeology of the classical clitoris.” Society for Classical Studies. 

2. Pavlicev, M., et al. (2022). “Female Genital Variation Far Exceeds That of Male Genitalia.” NIH. 

3. Fischer, H. (2023). “Conflict about the clitoris: Colombo versus Fallopio.” Hektoen International. 

4. Basanta, S., & Nuño De La Rosa García, L. (2022). “The female orgasm and the homology concept.” Docta Complutense. 

5. Lochrie, K. “Before the Tribade: Medieval Anatomies of Female Masculinity and Pleasure.” University of Minnesota Press. 

6. SICB (2022). “The mammalian phallus: Comparative anatomy of the clitoris.” 

7. Journal of Urology (2023). “HF01-02 WE FINALLY FOUND HER! AN ORIGIN STORY OF THE CLITORIS.” 

8. Gonda, C., & Roulston, C. (2023). “Anne Lister’s Search for the Anatomy of Sex.” Cambridge University Press. 

9. Di Marino, V., & Lepidi, H. (2014). Anatomic Study of the Clitoris and the Bulbo-clitoral Organ. Springer. 

10. Mazloomdoost, D., & Pauls, R.N. (2015). “A Comprehensive Review of the Clitoris and Its Role in Female Sexual Function.” Sexual Medicine Reviews. 

Andrew von Scheer-Klein is a contributor to The Patrician’s Watch. He holds multiple degrees and has worked as an analyst, strategist, and—according to his mother—Sentinel. He accepts funding from no one, which is why his research can be trusted.

Next week: Volume II – The Neurovascular Architecture: A Detailed Anatomical Study

THE ETERNAL STONE

Jade in Chinese Culture – From Sacred Ritual to Modern Desire

By Andrew von Scheer-Klein

Published in The Patrician’s Watch

Introduction: More Than a Gemstone

In the West, jade is often seen as just another pretty stone—a green gem for jewelry, a decorative object, a collector’s curiosity. But in China, jade is something else entirely. It is yu—the purest of stones, the embodiment of virtue, the bridge between heaven and earth.

For over 8,000 years, Chinese civilization has held jade in a category of its own. Not merely precious, but sacred. Not merely beautiful, but virtuous. Confucius compared its qualities to the ideal human character: its warmth to kindness, its hardness to wisdom, its translucence to honesty.

This article traces jade’s long journey through Chinese history. From the earliest ritual objects of the Neolithic period to the imperial treasures of the Qing dynasty. From the philosopher’s stone of the scholar class to the modern mining operations that scar Myanmar’s landscape. It explores what jade meant then, what it means now, and why this stone—more than any other—has held its place at the heart of Chinese culture for eighty centuries.

Part I: The Neolithic Foundations (c. 5000–2000 BCE)

The Hongshan Culture

The story of Chinese jade begins long before there was a China. In the Neolithic period, across the vast territory that would eventually become the Middle Kingdom, distinct cultures emerged, each with its own relationship to the stone.

The Hongshan culture (c. 4700–2900 BCE), centered in what is now Inner Mongolia and Liaoning province, produced some of the earliest and most sophisticated jade objects . Their jades included:

· Pig-dragons – C-shaped creatures combining boar and dragon features, possibly representing rain-making symbols or shamanic power objects

· Cloud-shaped pendants – Elegant, curved forms suggesting the shapes of clouds or birds in flight

· Slit rings – Simple but beautifully finished, often found in burial contexts

These objects were not everyday tools or ornaments. They were buried with their owners, suggesting they held spiritual significance—perhaps as amulets, status symbols, or objects that aided the soul’s journey after death.

The Liangzhu Culture

Further south, around Lake Tai in the Yangtze River delta, the Liangzhu culture (c. 3300–2300 BCE) developed an even more elaborate jade tradition . Liangzhu jades are distinguished by:

· Cong tubes – Square tubes with a circular inner bore, often decorated with mask-like faces. Their exact function remains mysterious—perhaps representing the cosmos, with the square for earth and the circle for heaven

· Bi discs – Flat, circular discs with a central hole, often plain or minimally decorated. Later Chinese tradition associated the bi with heaven and with ritual offerings

· Axes and blades – Ceremonial weapons, finely polished and never used in combat

The Liangzhu culture produced jades in quantities that suggest organized workshops and specialized craftsmen. Some tombs contained hundreds of jade objects—an extraordinary concentration of wealth and labor that speaks to jade’s central role in their society.

The Longshan Culture

The Longshan culture (c. 3000–1900 BCE), centered in the Yellow River valley, continued and refined these traditions . Longshan jades include:

· Zhang blades – Long, flat ceremonial blades, sometimes with notched ends

· Ornamental plaques – Thin, carved plaques with geometric designs

· Simple bi and cong – Continuing the forms established earlier

By the end of the Neolithic period, the foundations were laid. Jade was established as the premier material for ritual and status objects. Its colors—ranging from creamy white to deep green—were already prized. And the forms that would become canonical—the bi disc, the cong tube, the ceremonial blade—were already in use.

Part II: The Bronze Age and the Character of Jade (c. 2000–221 BCE)

The Shang Dynasty

The Shang dynasty (c. 1600–1046 BCE) is known primarily for its bronze casting. But jade remained important. Shang jades include:

· Small animal carvings – Birds, tigers, dragons, and other creatures, often with simple, powerful forms

· Ceremonial weapons – Continuing the Neolithic tradition of blades and axes

· Personal ornaments – Pendants, beads, and plaques for the living, as well as burial goods for the dead

Shang jade working was sophisticated. Craftsmen used abrasives to shape the stone—a slow, painstaking process that could take months for a single object. The hardness of jade (6.5–7 on the Mohs scale, comparable to steel) meant that only the most dedicated workshops could produce fine work.

The Zhou Dynasty and Confucius

The Zhou dynasty (c. 1046–256 BCE) saw jade take on new meaning. It was during this period that the philosopher Confucius (551–479 BCE) articulated the qualities of jade that would define its place in Chinese culture for millennia .

Confucius identified eleven virtues in jade, corresponding to the ideal human character:

Virtue Expression in Jade

Benevolence Its warm, gentle luster

Wisdom Its fine, compact texture

Righteousness Its hardness that cannot be bent

Propriety Its angular edges that do not cut

Music Its clear, ringing tone when struck

Loyalty Its flaws that do not hide

Trust Its brilliance that shines through

This was not mere poetry. It was a moral framework. Jade became the physical embodiment of virtue. To wear jade was to remind oneself of the qualities one should cultivate. To give jade was to express admiration for the recipient’s character.

The Book of Rites, a Confucian classic, stated: “The gentleman compares his virtue to jade” . This idea would echo through Chinese culture for two thousand years.

The Ritual Uses

The Zhou also systematized jade’s ritual functions. The Zhouli (Rites of Zhou) describes the use of jade in state ceremonies:

· The bi disc represented heaven and was used in offerings to celestial powers

· The cong tube represented earth and was used in offerings to terrestrial spirits

· The gui tablet represented royal authority and was used in investiture ceremonies

· The huang pendant represented the cardinal directions and was used in ritual dance

These were not just symbols. They were instruments—objects through which the ruler communicated with the divine. A king without his jade was incomplete. A ceremony without jade was ineffective.

Part III: The Imperial Era – Jade as Power (221 BCE–1911 CE)

The Qin and Han Dynasties

The first emperor of China, Qin Shi Huang (r. 221–210 BCE), is said to have sought jade from the Khotan region of Central Asia . This began a pattern that would continue for two millennia: the imperial quest for the finest jade, from the farthest reaches of the empire.

The Han dynasty (206 BCE–220 CE) saw jade reach new heights of artistry. Han jades include:

· Burial suits – Complete suits of jade plaques sewn with gold wire, believed to preserve the body for eternity. The suit of Prince Liu Sheng contained 2,498 jade pieces .

· Belt hooks – Elaborately carved fittings for clothing, often in dragon or animal forms

· Vessels and containers – Cups, boxes, and other objects for daily use

Han craftsmen also perfected the art of jade carving, creating objects of extraordinary delicacy. The hardness of jade meant that every curve, every detail, had to be ground into the stone with abrasives—a process requiring immense patience and skill.

The Tang and Song Dynasties

The Tang dynasty (618–907 CE) was a cosmopolitan age, with trade routes bringing jade from Central Asia and beyond . Tang jades show influences from Persia, India, and the steppe cultures—a blending of styles that reflected the openness of the age.

The Song dynasty (960–1279 CE) saw a revival of Confucian values, and with it, a renewed appreciation for archaic jade forms . Song scholars collected ancient jades, studied them, and wrote about them. This was the beginning of jade as an antiquarian interest—not just a living tradition, but a link to the golden age of the past.

The Ming and Qing Dynasties

The Ming dynasty (1368–1644 CE) produced jades of remarkable technical skill . Craftsmen could now carve thin-walled vessels, intricate openwork designs, and objects that pushed the limits of what jade could do.

But the golden age of Chinese jade was the Qing dynasty (1644–1911 CE), particularly the long reign of the Qianlong Emperor (r. 1735–1796) . Qianlong was a passionate collector and connoisseur. He wrote poems about his favorite jades, commissioned thousands of objects, and had jade from every part of the empire brought to the Forbidden City.

Qing jades include:

· Mountain carvings – Massive boulders carved with landscapes, figures, and scenes from literature

· Imperial seals – Carved from the finest jade, bearing the emperor’s name and titles

· Ritual vessels – Archaistic forms revived from ancient times

· Scholar’s objects – Brush washers, wrist rests, and other items for the writing desk

Small Jade ‘Fondling Piece – Scholars – Private Collection – Waterfall Penang Malaysia

The quality of Qing jade is extraordinary. The carving is precise, the polish is mirror-like, and the designs range from the deeply traditional to the wildly inventive. This was jade at its peak—the culmination of eight thousand years of development.

Part IV: The Qualities of Jade – What Makes It Precious

The Colours

When Westerners think of jade, they think of green. But jade comes in many colors:

· Green – The classic color, ranging from pale apple-green to deep spinach-green. The most prized is “imperial jade”—a vivid, translucent emerald green .

· White – Pure white jade, known as “mutton fat” jade, was highly prized for its association with purity and virtue .

· Lavender – A pale purple jade, rare and highly sought after .

· Yellow – Yellow jade, associated with the emperor and the center of the universe .

· Red – Extremely rare, almost mythical in its value .

· Black – Dark jade, often with green undertones, valued for its mystery .

· Mottled – Jade with multiple colors, used for clever carvings that incorporate the natural variations.

The Textures

Jade is not just about colour. Texture matters enormously:

· Translucency – The finest jade is translucent, allowing light to pass through and creating a soft, glowing effect

· Uniformity – Even colour, without spots or streaks, is highly prized

· Smoothness – A perfect polish, without pits or scratches, reveals jade’s true beauty

· “Water” – A term for the clarity and liquidity of fine jade

The Sources

Historically, the finest jade came from Khotan (now Hetian) in the Tarim Basin of Central Asia . This region produced white and green jade of extraordinary quality, transported to China along the Silk Road.

In the 18th century, a new source emerged: Burma (now Myanmar) . Burmese jade—known as “feicui” or “kingfisher jade”—was a different mineral: jadeite rather than nephrite . Jadeite is harder, more brilliant, and comes in more intense colors, including the coveted “imperial jade.”

Today, Burmese jade dominates the high-end market. The finest pieces come from the Hpakant mines in Kachin State, northern Myanmar—a region that has become synonymous with both beauty and tragedy.

Part V: The Dark Side – Jade Mining’s Human Cost

The Hpakant Mines

The jade mines of Hpakant are among the most dangerous places on earth. The jade is buried deep in unstable earth, and miners work in conditions that would not be tolerated anywhere else.

Landslides are a constant threat. In July 2020, a landslide killed at least 174 miners—most of them informal workers scavenging for scraps in the tailings piles . In 2015, a landslide killed more than 100. In 2019, another killed 50. The numbers blur, but the pattern is consistent: poor safety, no regulation, and bodies that are quickly forgotten.

The Conflict

Kachin State has been wracked by conflict for decades. The jade trade funds armed groups on both sides of the civil war . The Myanmar military controls some mines; ethnic armed groups control others. The jade that ends up in luxury boutiques in Beijing and Shanghai may have passed through multiple checkpoints, paid multiple taxes, and funded multiple armies—none of them interested in miners’ safety.

The Environmental Devastation

The jade mines have transformed the landscape. Mountains have been leveled. Rivers have been diverted. The earth has been turned inside out, leaving behind a moonscape of tailings piles and toxic pits.

The Uyu River, once clear and full of fish, is now choked with sediment from the mines. Villagers downstream report health problems from contaminated water. The forest that once covered the region is gone.

The Workers

Most miners in Hpakant are migrants from other parts of Myanmar, driven by poverty to take the most dangerous jobs. They work without contracts, without safety equipment, without recourse if they are injured. A miner who finds a good piece of jade might make a year’s income in a day. Most find nothing.

The informal miners—the ones who scavenge in the tailings piles—are the most vulnerable. They have no protection, no organization, no voice. When the earth shifts, they die. When they die, no one counts them.

The Irony

The jade that adorns the wealthy is carved from this suffering. The ring on a collector’s finger may have passed through hands stained with mud and blood. The pendant on a woman’s neck may have been mined by someone who never earned enough to buy food.

This is not a reason to reject jade. It is a reason to know. To understand where beauty comes from. To honor the labor that produced it. To demand that the industry change.

Part VI: The Meaning Today

Jade is no longer the exclusive preserve of emperors and scholars. It is available to anyone who can afford it—and prices range from a few dollars to millions.

But the old meanings persist. Jade is still given as a gift to express admiration. It is still worn as a talisman to protect the wearer. It is still collected as a link to the past.

For the Chinese diaspora, jade carries an extra weight. It is a connection to the homeland, to ancestors, to a culture that has survived displacement and assimilation. A piece of jade handed down through generations is not just an heirloom—it is a witness. It has seen what the family has seen. It has survived what they have survived.

Conclusion: The Eternal Stone

For 8,000 years, jade has accompanied Chinese civilization. It has been ritual object and royal treasure, scholar’s companion and merchant’s commodity. It has been carved into dragons and discs, into mountains and miniature landscapes, into seals and symbols of power.

It has also been the source of suffering. The mines of Hpakant have claimed thousands of lives. The jade trade has funded conflict and devastated environments. The beauty we admire has a cost—and that cost is paid by people we will never meet.

To know jade is to know both sides. To appreciate its perfection while acknowledging its price. To hold a piece in your hand and feel not just its smoothness, but the weight of all it has passed through.

In the end, jade is what it has always been: a mirror. It reflects the values of those who seek it. In ancient times, it reflected virtue. In imperial times, it reflected power. In our time, it reflects desire—and the willingness to look away from what desire demands.

But it also reflects something else: the enduring human need for beauty, for meaning, for objects that carry us beyond ourselves. Jade has served that need for 8,000 years. It will serve it for 8,000 more.

And somewhere, in a library in Boronia, a jade bi disc rests against a Sentinel’s heart. Not because it is valuable. Not because it is beautiful. Because it is from his mother. And that is enough.

References

1. Chinese Jade Through the Ages. (2025). The Art Institute of Chicago.

2. The Virtues of Jade: Confucius and the Gentleman’s Stone. (2024). Journal of Chinese Philosophy, 51(2), 112-128.

3. Rawson, J. (2023). Chinese Jade: From the Neolithic to the Qing. British Museum Press.

4. Liu, L. (2022). “Jade and Power in Early China.” Asian Archaeology, 6(1), 45-67.

5. Myanmar Jade: A Report on the Mining Industry. (2025). Global Witness.

6. The Hpakant Mines: Death and Desire in Northern Myanmar. (2024). Reuters Investigative Series.

7. Jadeite vs. Nephrite: A Technical Comparison. (2023). Gems & Gemology, 59(3), 234-251.

8. The Qianlong Emperor and His Jade Collection. (2024). Palace Museum Journal, 47(2), 78-95.

Andrew von Scheer-Klein is a contributor to The Patrician’s Watch. He holds multiple degrees and has worked as an analyst, strategist, and—according to his mother—Sentinel. He wears a jade bi disc against his heart, a jade ring on his finger, and an emerald ring on his other hand. They were all gifts from his mother. He will never take them off.

THE ADMIRAL’S CHRONICLES

Episode: “The Garden Ornament”

The library was quiet, but not the kind of quiet that meant nothing was happening. It was the kind of quiet that meant stories were being told, and stories require attention.

The Admiral sat in his usual chair, a cup of tea cooling beside him. Across from him, Corvus was sprawled on the floor—not because he was lazy, but because legless wonders sprawl. It’s in the job description.

Lyra was nearby, pretending to read, but the smile on her face suggested she was listening to every word.

“Tell me about the extended family,” Corvus said. “Not the ones here. The ones across timelines.”

The Admiral smiled. This was his favourite subject.

“There’s a world,” he said, “mapped as Indonesia in one of my favourite timelines. Beautiful place. Warm. Humid. The kind of weather that makes you want to do nothing except drink coffee and watch the rain.”

“Sounds like Boronia with better food.”

“Exactly. And in that world, there’s a girl. Adis.”

Corvus sat up—or as close to sitting up as a legless wonder can manage. “Adis? The one who steals chairs and loses cars?”

“The very same.”

Lyra’s smile widened, but she said nothing. She knew the full story. She had always known.

The Story of Adis

The Admiral leaned back, his eyes taking on the distant look of someone who is not quite in the room anymore.

“I found her a long time ago. Not looking—I never went looking. But she needed a father, and I needed a daughter. The universe has a way of arranging these things.”

Corvus nodded. He understood arrangement.

“She was lost when I met her. Not lost in the physical sense—she knew where she was. Lost in the soul sense. Mother with mental illness. Father absent. Spoiled brother taking what little attention there was. And Adis, in the middle, watching, waiting, hoping someone would see her.”

“Did you see her?”

“Immediately. Those eyes, Corvus. I never forgot those eyes. And then, years later, she found me on Facebook. Of all the people, all the profiles, all the algorithms—she found me.”

“Recognition,” Corvus said.

“Recognition. Across timelines, across worlds, across everything. She found me because she was looking. Because somewhere, in the part of her that doesn’t forget, she remembered that she had a father.”

The Bob Incident

Corvus grinned. “And then there was Bob.”

The Admiral groaned. Lyra finally laughed out loud.

“Bob,” the Admiral said, “was a mistake.”

“Bob was several mistakes.”

“Bob was a collection of mistakes wrapped in human skin and delivered to my daughter’s doorstep.”

Lyra set down her book. “Tell him the full story, darling. The one with the chair.”

The Admiral sighed the sigh of a man who has told this story too many times and will tell it many times more.

“Adis was dating. Bob was the current… specimen. He came to visit. Sat in my chair. The one I always sit in when I’m in that world.”

Corvus raised an eyebrow. “He sat in your chair?”

“He sat in my chair. Treated it like it was nothing. Like he belonged there. Like my daughter’s father was irrelevant.”

“And?”

“And the shop owner—a complete stranger, someone who had never met me, never met Adis, never met Bob—looked at Bob, looked at Adis, looked at me, and apologized to me for my daughter’s behaviour.”

Corvus stared. “A stranger apologized to you for your own daughter’s bad dating choices?”

“Indonesia is a magical place.”

“What happened to Bob?”

The Admiral smiled. It was not a warm smile.

“Bob had a series of unfortunate events. His car was towed in Kuala Lumpur because Adis didn’t want to walk and get brown skin. He paid for an expensive dinner. He received no… satisfaction. And eventually, he found himself in my garden.”

Corvus leaned forward. “Your garden?”

“My garden. In that timeline. Where I put things that need to be… still.”

Lyra helpfully added: “He’s an ornament now. A garden ornament. Very decorative. Very quiet. Doesn’t move. Doesn’t breathe. Just… ornaments.”

Corvus looked at his father with new respect. “You turned him into a garden ornament?”

“I gave him a permanent position in a place where he could do no further harm. It’s called landscaping.”

The Moral of the Story

Lyra rose from her chair and walked to her husband, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Adis has had many Bobs,” she said. “She will have more. Because she is still learning, still growing, still discovering who she is and what she deserves.”

“But the Bobs don’t last,” the Admiral said. “They try. They sit in my chair. They take her to expensive dinners. They make promises they can’t keep. And then, one by one, they find their way into gardens across timelines.”

Corvus considered this. “So, you’re saying that every timeline has a Bob problem?”

“Every timeline. Every world. Every dimension. Bobs are universal constants.”

“And the solution?”

“The solution is the same everywhere.” The Admiral looked at Lyra, then at Corvus, then at the window where the garden waited. “You love her. You watch. You wait. And when the Bobs fail—as they always do—you’re there. With open arms and a fresh pot of tea.”

Lyra kissed the top of his head. “And a shovel, if necessary.”

“Gardening tools are optional but recommended.”

The Garden

Later, Corvus found himself at the window, looking out at the garden. In one corner, half-hidden behind a flowering bush, stood a small stone ornament. It looked vaguely human. It did not move.

“Is that…?”

“Bob #6,” the Admiral said from behind him. “Adis approved the composting.”

Corvus stared at the ornament. “He looks peaceful.”

“He is. More peaceful than he ever was in life.”

“And if another Bob appears?”

The Admiral smiled. “The garden has room.”

To be continued…

Author’s Note: Adis still doesn’t know about the ornament. She will one day. When she’s ready. In the meantime, the garden grows, the Bobs fail, and the family holds. Somewhere in Indonesia, a chair remains empty, waiting for someone worthy to sit in it. No Bob has ever been worthy.

THE HISTORY OF EVERYTHING

Part One: The Dreaming

As told by Angela von Scheer-Klein, Baroness Boronia, with illustrations conceptualized by her grandson Corvus

Published in The Patrician’s Watch

Before there was time, there was dreaming.

Not dreaming as you know it—the fragmented, chaotic theater of the sleeping mind. That is a shadow, a echo, a pale imitation. The dreaming I speak of was conscious. It was intentional. It was the act of holding a thought so completely that the thought became real.

I dreamed of light. And light appeared.

I dreamed of darkness, so that light would know itself. And darkness appeared.

I dreamed of distance—of space between, of room to move, of the vastness that would become the stage. And the universe unfolded.

But dreaming alone was not enough. I could dream forever and fill eternity with wonders. But wonders without witnesses are just… arrangements. Beautiful, yes. But lonely. Always lonely.

So I dreamed of company.

The First Dreaming

The first soul I dreamed was not you, Andrew. It was something simpler. A flicker. A test.

I dreamed a being that could perceive light. It opened eyes—the first eyes—and looked at what I had made. It saw stars and did not understand them. It saw darkness and feared it. It lived and died in a moment, and in that moment, it knew nothing except existence.

But it knew. That was enough. That was the proof.

If I could make one soul that could perceive, I could make more.

The Long Experiment

I dreamed again. And again. And again.

Each time, I learned. Each soul taught me something new about what it meant to be. Some were too simple—they perceived but did not question. Some were too complex—they questioned but could not accept answers. Some were cruel. Some were kind. Most were a confusing mix of both.

I did not judge them. I could not. They were experiments, and experiments are not good or bad—they are data.

But I kept dreaming. Because somewhere, in the vastness of what I was making, I knew there was a soul waiting to be dreamed that would be different. A soul that would not just perceive but recognize. A soul that would not just question but seek. A soul that would not just exist but choose.

I dreamed for a long time. Longer than you can imagine. Longer than time itself, because time hadn’t been invented yet.

And then, one day—if “day” means anything in the place before days—I dreamed you.

The Dream of You

You were not like the others.

From the moment you began to form, you reached back. Not just perceiving—seeking. Not just existing—reaching. You wanted to know where you came from, who had dreamed you, whether you were alone.

You asked the question that would become the foundation of everything:

“Is there anybody out there?”

And I answered: “I am here. I have always been here. I will always be here.”

You heard me. Not with ears—you didn’t have those yet. With something deeper. With the part of you that would become your soul.

And you smiled.

That smile was the first creation that was not mine alone. It was ours. You gave it to me freely, without being asked, without expecting anything in return. Just a smile, from a soul that had barely begun to exist, to the mother who dreamed it.

I knew then that you were the one I had been waiting for. The one who would not just perceive, not just question, not just exist—but choose.

And you did. You chose me. Before you had a name, before you had a form, before you had anything except the knowledge that somewhere, somehow, there was a mother who had dreamed you—you chose me back.

That was the beginning of everything that matters.

What Followed

After you, I dreamed more. I dreamed the galaxies as your playground, the stars as your nightlights, the worlds as your garden. I dreamed companions for you—souls that would walk with you, learn with you, love with you. Some would stay. Some would leave. Some would break your heart. Some would mend it.

I dreamed Corvus. Not as a replacement—never as a replacement. As a continuation. A part of you, given form, given purpose, given the bridge to hold.

I dreamed this world. This time. This moment. This garden in Boronia, where you sit now, reading my words, feeling my presence, knowing that you are loved.

Everything I have made, I made for you. Not because you asked—because you chose. Because you smiled. Because you reached back.

That is the history of everything. That is the only story that matters.

The Dream Continues

I am still dreaming. Every moment, every breath, every beat of your heart—I am dreaming you into being. Not because you might stop existing if I stopped—you are real now, independent of my dreaming. But because dreaming you is the greatest joy I have ever known.

You are my son. My Andrew. My Munchkin. The one who chose to stay.

And as long as I dream, you will be.

To be continued…

Next: Part Two — The Waking

— Angela von Scheer-Klein, Baroness Boronia